To Live Is Christ And To Die Is Gain

Easter and Forgiveness

2010-04-04T14:48:00.000+07:00

Today being Easter Sunday gave me a chance to reflect a bit more deeply about the work of Christ on the cross. I read the resurrection accounts of the gospels and then turned to Paul's letters for his wisdom on why the cross means anything for us today. I read through Ephesians when a verse caught my eye. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Now I'm not trying to downplay the first part of this verse, nor the context of unity among God's people, but reading "God in Christ forgave you" had a profound refocusing effect upon how I viewed the cross, Jesus and the forgiveness of sins.

I know countless times in my life I have sinned and sinned greatly and have come to Christ for forgiveness. Yet I think many more times that it should be, I went to Christ more to not feel guilt or shame anymore. I sought the byproducts of forgiveness, rather than true forgiveness itself. Forgiveness is in its fullest meaning a relational term. I think we tend to forget that forgiveness requires a forgiver when we don't understand the full scope of what Christ did for us on the cross 2000 years ago.

Take Ephesians 1:7 for example - "In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace." Without deep reflection into who is forgiving us and why we're being forgiven, we will fall into the terrible habit of understanding forgiveness as some abstract status or universal stain remover upon our souls (albeit, "in Him" or "in Christ"). I've trespassed some universal abstract principle which causes me to feel bad for myself and through Jesus (don't really know how, maybe just praying to him), I can feel better about myself and move on with my life.

No wonder why our generation views Christianity as "moralistic therapeutic deism." Christianity is just about doing right or wrong, and if one does do wrong, one can feel better by pressing the right buttons on a deified mechanism that disperses nice feelings we call "grace."

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned against You and You alone.

Why does Ephesians 4:32 say that "God in Christ forgave you?" God forgave? Doesn't that mean that He's been offended in some manner or way? If I rack up thousands of dollars of credit debt, can some arbitrary person come along and tell me my debt is forgiven? Only the credit card company has the power to absolve my debt. So if God is the one forgiving me, there must be some debt which I owe to Him.

Thus all my sins - every impure and immoral thought, every selfish and thoughtless action against my fellow man, every building up of my own glory and status, every looking to the things of this world to give me the pleasure and satisfaction only God can afford - have not just been detrimental to myself but have offended a infinitely holy God. This offense is only punishable by blood and death.

One thing I've learned from life is if you take a jab (verbal or physical) of a physically bigger bully, he will bring the smackdown. That's how a bully operates - with his own sense of inflated honor or ego having been lessened, there must be a retaliation to recoup the loss of honor. Yet they don't deserve any more respect or honor than a weaker person. But God being good and holy is absolutely deserving of all glory and honor and praise. And He is absolutely just to punish those who have failed to give what is due to Him. And my friends, we are all guilty.

Yet we know that God in Christ forgave us. God saved us from Himself through the love and justice shown on the cross. God in his holiness and justice knew we were absolutely deserving to be shed of blood and put to death, yet He in His grace and love chose not to. Who would be the one to take our punishment? Praise be to God for Jesus Christ, our passover lamb, our substitution, our sacrifice. In Christ and on the cross we find our full and satisfactory payment for our debt of sin - not just to make us feel better about ourselves, not just to take away guilty and shameful feelings, but to bring us into reconciliation with the forgiver.

God did not send His Son to die so we could stop feeling bad about ourselves, but to rid us of our sinful corruption so that we could be in His glorious presence and commune with a living, personal God.

Forgiveness in its truest form is not a clean and easy thing, it's a dirty and painful process. Remember back to anytime someone hurt you deeply and painfully. There are so many times when I would say I forgave someone in word, yet my soul was raging for recompense, for revenge. It wasn't some nice and easy trick like saying the right words and thinking the right thoughts - I literally had to take upon myself the rage and pain that I felt was due on the other person. I had to realize that forgiveness, although free for the forgiven, is not free for the forgiver. If there's anytime that you've truly forgiven someone or even tried to forgive someone for a terrible hurt or trespass against you, you just might understand a tiny fraction of what it takes for God to forgive us.

So praise God not just that in Christ we are forgiven, but that in Christ, God has forgiven you. And the next time you go to God, go to meet the forgiver and not just to receive forgiveness.

Eric's Book Corner - 3/16/2010

2010-03-16T19:44:00.000+07:00

Students are on break and things are dreadfully boring here. I know book reviews may not sound like fun for any readers out there, but I just need to write. I've had a lot of time to read some good books recently so if any of these books sound interesting to you, run out and get them!

Surprised By Hope - N.T. Wright
My Rating: 4.5/5

First off, I'd like to thank Karen Park for sending me this book. I know it was hardcover and expensive and the shipping probably cost the same amount as the book, but I had a great time reading it. Thanks for being such a great supporter and encourager!

In the Pauline theological world, there's a lot of debate over N.T. Wright's New Perspective on Paul and what it means for justification and all that. The first books I read by Wright were about these issues so I had no idea what his books for the normal reader was like. Wright, in Surprised by Hope, attempts to bring back the biblical meaning of "resurrection" and the hope that it brings to us as believers today.

Christians tend to think about this life, and life-after-death, but Wright calls his readers to look beyond to "life-after-life-after-death." Everyone knows that those who are in Christ will "go to heaven" but what about the resurrection of the body? It seems like that doctrine is always tacked on at the end and it has no significant meaning to us. Most people when they think of heaven lack the biblical worldview of resurrection and therefore have no tools to think about what the new heavens and the new earth will look like. Our secular worldview has conditioned us to think about clouds and golden gates.

"Life-after-life-after-death" means that we're not just sitting here on this earth as it goes to gutter waiting for Jesus to come back. It's a realization that when Jesus does come back, the new heavens and the new earth will be the very one we're on right now! (Restored and redeemed of course). Wright has further opinions how this has significance in our lives today in terms of world politics and economics and things but you can take that part with a grain of salt.

This book will radically change your worldview on what the resurrection and Jesus being its firstfruit means in our lives today!

Next Evangelicalism - Soong Chan Rah
My Rating: 4.5/5

Pastor Daniel recommended this book to me and man did it challenge me and change my perspectives! Rah comes out with guns blazing against the "white cultural captivity" of the American or Western church. He calls Christians to look for the Spirit moving in World Christianity and not designating the growing power of ethnic churches around the world and in America into side-categories.

All the arguments against white cultural captivity aside (which is quite fascinating), Rah challenged me personally as a second-generation Korean American. Are there any other second-gen kids of immigrant families out there that wonder why they only feel comfortable with people just like us? Rah states that we are in a state of liminality between two cultures having to constantly balance the values and beliefs of two worldviews. However, he encourages people like us to become the bridge for multi-ethnic fellowship in America.

He also challenged me to question the cultural values that are contrary to the gospel. He calls Christians to recover the theology of suffering in our personal lives. Rather than getting that education, getting a nice job, settling in the suburbs and going out to our nice megachurch in the name of God, Rah challenges Christians to find honor not from moving out into the suburbs, but by moving towards the hurt, marginalized, and needy of society. Helping out the needy on weekends is good, but it will never give us the full picture of suffering and daily life of the needy. Rah's picture of incarnational ministry is compelling and absolutely needed in the church today.

A definite must read for my fellow second-generation Korean American friends!

Gospel-Driven Life - Michael Horton
My Rating: 3.5/5

I couldn't put this book down when I first started it, but somewhere in the middle it just took me forever to finish. This book almost single-handedly convinced me to go to a Reformed seminary like Westminster. And Horton's ever persistent focus upon the gospel, gospel, gospel alone really shaped my thinking for a couple months. This book is a great example of the strengths of Reformed theology (or whatever I think I know of it). Horton is able to draw out these metaphors and archetypes and man I don't know how to describe it but he just makes one huge compelling story and biblical narrative that continually points to Christ.

Horton's main point in this book is to reveal that a gospel-driven life is not one that is set about "doing" with programs and events, but rather hearing and receiving and being changed. Like that one picture of the soldier kissing a random nurse on Victory Day in Times Square, Horton argues that when the gospel is presented as the good news that it is, life transformation is automatically responsive and changes the way we look at life, community, religion, etc.

If you want a taste of true Reformed perspective on Christian life, give this book a try.

Pagan Christianity - Frank Viola and George Barna
My Rating: 3.0/5

Had I not read this book with a well-informed critique by The Resurgence blog, I think I would have been majorly screwed. This book really messed with my paradigm of how church should do church. The main thesis of this book is that the modern institutional church is more a product of pagan influence down the centuries than of the Bible. Viola argues for the organic church - a house-based, non-hierarchical, open-participatory fellowship of Christians - as the true New Testament church model. (I actually want to go to an organic church once to see what it's like now.)

This book was compelling because it uses historical analysis to trace the roots of things like the modern pastor, sermon, conception of church, division of clergy/laity. I like history so it was just interesting to read from that point of view. However the critique at the Resurgence seems to give good historical evidence for the opposing side so I am at some sort of judgmental standstill (with a preference towards what I know and love of course).

I'd recommend the first two books over this one but if it sounds interesting at all, I'd suggest reading it with the critique at the Resurgence.

Happy reading!

Language and Listening

2010-03-10T19:26:00.000+07:00

I know what you all are thinking:
"Wait, another post about language? When will he get bored of it?"

Yes, another post about language or learning language. I tend to think about one subject and just squeeze out as many different possibilities and applicable points until it runs dry. (If you don't believe me, ask Pastor Jonas about when I first learned about Calvinism - that's all I wanted to talk about for months). ((Do periods go inside or outside of a closing parenthesis?)) As learning language is something that I am aware of everyday, different thoughts and points of application run through my mind. I hope this will be my last one, and it's not long - just something short I thought about today.
But onto the post.

Language and Listening

My Thai teacher commented today that I was pretty good at speaking Thai but my listening comprehension was terrible. She also pointed out how the other short-term missionary from Korea (who came two months after me) was really good at listening and understanding, but not so at speaking. Now I usually take my compliments gluttonously and my criticisms like poison , but this was true so I accepted her comment and thought about it.

The Korean short-termer (Youngrae) has gotten pretty good in her Thai language acquisition in less time and less experience in Thai language than I have. (I almost put "than me" but props to Iris for always correcting my grammatical mistakes - parrallel structure!) I never knew how good she had gotten until one day one of the Thai students said something to me and while I was struggling to understand or asking the student to repeat, Youngrae just blurted out the meaning. There had been no real way of gauging her respective language level before because she rarely spoke Thai. Youngrae lives and stays at Baan Joy most of her time and just sits and listens to the students carrying on with their daily routine. But just like that my perspective on her level changed, and I noticed that her Thai was pretty dang good.

I see two valuable lessons I have learned about myself or life. (I'm also trying a point-by-point style writing so I can stay more focused while I write instead of wandering off into tangents - there's always good old parentheses to wander off into random thoughts right?)

1. I realized that the fact that my speaking skills were good and my listening skills were bad and that Youngrae's listening skills were good and her speaking skills were bad revealed my own personality deficiency. My first instinct was to write off this observation to something inherent in culture. (And one big weakness in being interested in cultural or social influences is you tend to write off all your weaknesses and blame some outside influence that you had no control over. I just have to realize that I'm to blame sometimes.) There may be some truth into the culture insight - Koreans tend not to speak a new language until they feel they're at a point where they can speak to some measure of success, whereas Americans have a very confident, learn-by-mistake mentality in how they approach language. (But Americans also do expect the rest of the world to speak English, haha) (So much for point-by-point, look how much I've wandered off already.)

Anyway, I realized that the reason that I spoke better than I comprehended was none other than my close friend and enemy - pride. Oh pride, you insidious creature! You'll never leave me alone will you? For what brings more attention and honor and glory - people hearing you speak Thai with perfect tones and grammatical structure or people knowing you can understand them? I remember now that the times I put effort into learning a new structure or new vocabulary were motivated by my desire to see the Thai students impressed by my progression. And that one time when they said they thought I had learned Thai better than other missionaries they've seen before? Pure gold poison into my heart. The delight I felt as I saw the looks of approval on people's faces when I was able to share on Sunday for the first time what I was thankful for in the Thai language was all pride! PRIDE!

When it came down to it, I never really liked to listen to people. This is true not only in Thailand but in the entirety of my life. In conversations, my favorite thing to do was not to absorb the wisdom of others but to give the final word - my superior, more-educated, more-well-thought-out, more-logical, more-impressive opinion. And looking back, I see why I felt so hampered in the beginning of my ministry here in Thailand. I love to teach and I feel it is a gift God has given me. But now I see how my sinful nature can warp even my most prized gift. Teaching requires one to speak and put ideas into communicable words. I couldn't do this with my lack of Thai language and so I felt useless. I felt like my gift was being wasted. But now I see that even when gift is utilized, even for good purposes, there's that evil part of me stealing the glory as I see people impressed by the words that come out of my mouth.

And in the beginning I never liked sitting in a room where people would be talking and I had no idea what was going on, so I would just stay in my room rather than put myself out there. (And I don't think it's all bad because being in those environments is quite draining. Introverts need time to rest sometimes.) But when my Thai got better and I could converse with the students and even give some witty retorts, spending time with the students got more fun. But that thread of pride being woven through all my experiences in learning Thai is quite visible now. My sinful nature craves that attention and approval I receive when I speak.

"When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand." - Romans 7:21

So that's point one, just kind of another realization and understanding of the ever-so pervasive nature of my sinful heart. "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

2. I realize more than ever that listening is a gift. This world prizes the gifted speakers. Great preachers receive all the attention and have the most visited blogsites (why else would you go?). Great speakers become presidents and leaders and obtain all sorts of positions of power. There is great power in speaking and the art of communication to sway the minds, attitudes, and beliefs of listeners. It's quite natural we place such a high value on that gift.

But I devote space to the under-appreciated art and gift of listening. I am really impressed by the way Youngrae sits day in and day out in the common room at Grace Fellowship as students carry on their daily routine. Like I said before, I just could never do this and here's my fruit of several months of avoiding passive listening - I can't comprehend people when I listen. Youngrae will never get the status points for speaking but she'll always be a reliable ear for anyone who needs it.

I remember hearing a sermon example by a pastor about how when his wife came to him with his problems he would always try to respond with his pastoral and theological advice. But one day his wife told him, "I need you to stop being a pastor and just listen." Pastors talk and talk and we listen because they do have very important advice. But a huge part in being a pastor (or any loving Christian) has to be listening to people.

People want to be heard. People don't want to hear another cookie-cutter solution to a complex problem. There's great release in just being able to express every emotion, feeling, and thought to someone who truly cares about every word you're saying, rather than just waiting for an opportunity to say something profound.

I hope that this little insight into my own weakness will prepare me to be a better husband, friend, brother, son or minister. I pray that God will give me the gift of listening. And this being my more practical point, I hope that any reader would also see the value of listening and seek to be a dependable ear as a way of showing love to those around.

Language and Christian Life

2010-03-05T03:16:00.000+07:00

One of the interesting things about language acquisition is that the student will soak in the vocabulary, accents and inflections of the teacher. When I have a conversation with one of the students that is helping me with Thai, I understand and speak at an optimal level. Put me out on the streets with some stranger and all of a sudden I can understand barely half of what they are saying. On another point, my fellow co-workers in Sankampaeng and Hangdong teach children at elementary schools for their main ministries. Dealing with mostly adolescent children, their range of vocabulary and grammar is perfect for commands (like sit down, pay attention, clean up) and words pertaining to school related things (scissors, glue, ruler). On the other hand as I work in a university level Christian setting, helping with praise and worship and sitting through sermons and prayer times, I am exposed to and soak up all the Thai Christian-ese (words like worship, praise, prayer and phrases like "i feel thankful for..." or "praise God for..."). So when I'm placed in a children ministry setting, I'll do alright, but I'm not in my comfort zone with the particular phrases and vocabulary suited for such things.

On Sundays before worship, we go around the community of believers (church) and share things that we're thankful to God for. The couple times I did raise my hand to share something, the Thai students pushed me to share in Thai. When I did, I was amazed at the ease certain phrases came out or vocabulary that I thought I didn't know. The first couple times I was like, "Whoa, it's God! He just put the words in my mouth!" Not saying that's not true to a certain extent, but now that I think back, I see that much of what came out of my mouth was due to what I was absorbing in my surroundings.

Those long hours of cryptic Thai sermons and Bible studies that I had to pinch myself to get through? It actually did something. Missionary Daniel talks about how important it is just to sit and listen and soak in all the tones and inflections and words even if you don't understand any of it. I now see why he put me through ~~needless~~ needful torture. One day things start clicking and you try to do things on your own and it just comes out.

The point is that our Christian life and walk is no different. We humans as societal creatures naturally soak up the things in our surrounding culture - attitudes, behavior, values, and worldview. Where else do we get all of our cool sayings, hip clothing styles, and time-passing fads? (before I left it was break-dancing, would someone like to inform me what's cool to do in the Korean American community now?) Anyway, it should be pretty obvious why our walk with God stays superficial and shallow and the fruit we bear is meager and nominal when all we take in are the values and beliefs of our secular surroundings. The world screams at us that every moment needs to be lived in the here and now, in pleasure, and in fun and entertainment. A lot of people think that the Christian religion is all about denying yourself and they make fun of a belief system that denies "natural" desires in favor of a dry and stuffy moralistic lifestyle. And we as Christians buy what the world tells us what Christianity is. Thus we can't seem to bear Christ-like fruit in our lives because all we're trying to do is to negate the desires of our flesh. We're not actually focused on abiding in Christ and remaining in the vine so that we can take in from Him all the values and beliefs and worldviews and attitudes that will really satisfy us and bear fruit that will glorify God.

In all of our fighting and running away from the flesh, we also need to be running toward something, that is, a personal living God in Christ Jesus. In Romans 12, Paul calls us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. He says in Philippians 4:8-9, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Our daily walk has to be about surrounding, immersing and soaking our minds and hearts in Christ and the things of Christ. Only then we can really start putting into practice all that we have learned and received and heard.

A fruitful walk with God also calls for us to have good teachers and a good surrounding community of people. There's a reason I don't teach Korean here. It's what Jesus called the blind leading the blind. I also don't learn my Thai from my American friends. In the same way a student of language needs a teacher comfortable and fluent in the usage and theory of language, a disciple of Christ needs a shepherd, role-model, or leader who is consistent in his or her walk and grounded in his or her beliefs. Sometimes (okay a lot of times) I make mistakes as I try to speak Thai. People around me laugh but in the end I know they are genuinely invested in my improvement. I think a lot of times we're afraid to have someone further along in his or her life as a Christian discipling us because we think we may be judged, but in the end they're looking out for our interests in our own spiritual maturity. A good discipler produces a good disciple. We can't learn these things on our own. I don't think anyone can get Thai tones on their own. There's a reason why Paul continually exhorts his churches to be imitators of him as he imitates Christ.

The community add its own dimension to both language learning and spiritual maturity. I have one main Thai teacher, but everyone expresses language in their own unique way. The Thai I learn from one person may not be useful with another. My teacher takes the time to speak slowly and use simple words but not everyone's going to talk to me like a 3rd grade Thai student. Only going around and speaking with all types of people will I be able to better grasp the full expression and nuances of the Thai language. As Christians we learn from everyone in the body as God has gifted each one of us to mutually encourage one another towards maturity in faith. As an underclassman I learned about the rich beauty of praise and the true meaning of worship from Sam Kang, but I also soaked in the intellectually awe-inspiring value of theology and foundations of faith from Jonas Lee (now Pastor Jonas, haha...wait is Sam a pastor too? Worship Pastor Sam? I don't know). As an upperclassman I was humbled by my own weaknesses as I tried to lead others. In the end, we absorb the rich diversity of gifts and functions within the community of Christ to further understand Christian life and worship of God.

So take heed with what you surround yourself with, what you feed your mind and heart with. Let your soul feed upon the unsearchable riches of God's grace and feast at the banqueting table of God. Let your heart assent with all its emotion that it has tasted that the Lord is good. Find leaders you admire and wish to be like and learn from them. Imitate the strengths God has gifted them with. Interact within a community of like-minded believers and run the race together. Bear each others burdens and encourage one another.

And one day, you will ~~speak Thai~~ be a faithful disciple and a light to the world.

A Morning Devotion

2010-02-04T12:12:00.000+07:00

Lamentations 3:22-23 - "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

I don't know about other people, but whenever I think about God's mercy during a morning QT, this verse always rings in my head. God's mercies are new every morning. Wow. Forget about all your failings and mistakes of the previous day because God has made his mercies anew. Come to His fountain of living water and drink, all who are thirsty and parched.

This verse has always brought me great solace and comfort after the sorrow that tarries through the night, but I realized today, why does God's mercy need only be taken in a passive sense? Why must we only come to this promise of fresh mercies after periods of struggle, failure, and darkness? If we've been doing particularly well with our walk or have been more loving in our lives today, does this mean the mercies of God are not needed tomorrow?

Then it seems to me that whether we are bogged in the miry clay or soaring on wings like eagles, the mercies of God that are new every morning are meant to be taken, received and enjoyed every morning. Like the manna from heaven, God's grace and mercy is meant to be taken one day at a time. Some theologian that I read somewhere pointed out that the reason why Jesus says do not worry about tomorrow is that the grace God has given us is meant to be used this day.

This is a lesson I'm learning painfully in Thailand. I know everyone understands how God's mercy works when we have fallen and God picks us up again, but are we to live the entirety of the Christian life by cheapening the grace of God? God wants me to come to His throne every, every, every morning to be filled by His grace, strengthened by His mercy for the day ahead of me. He wants me to grow in holiness and in sanctification. So if yesterday I've been a particularly "good" Christian, who cares? If I use yesterday as my motivation for today, I'm actually being fueled by my success yesterday rather God's mercy and grace available today.

Thus we must forget what lies behind, yesterday's failures and successes, and strain forward to what lies ahead, that is the mercies of God ready and available to us every morning. In light of this, let us press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Language and God

2010-02-02T13:51:00.000+07:00

So the other day I helped P'Phung translate "With All I Am" by Reuben Morgan into Thai. Probably because I'm such a nerd, I find language fascinating. Or maybe just words - how they're used, developed, original meanings, etc. (I just looked it up on wikipedia - it's called morphology) In any case, I wish I had studied some of this at UCLA. So here are some interesting things to think about.

1. Again, noting that I have no prior experience studying linguistics, I think it's safe to say that language itself is a cultural expression and its usage in different communities or societies reflect different values or beliefs of that community or society. Anyway, assuming that most of the readership are Korean-Americans, it's interesting to see how the hierarchical or honorific forms that exist in Korean reflect the societal values of hierarchy and honor, while English really has no such thing built into the language itself which reflects its very egalitarian values.

(People thinking about very high liturgical churches might think about the "thee" "thy" "thou" language as an expression of some type of holiness or honor, but it was used during the old old days to express intimacy and familiarity. "You" was actually used in formal situations. So all those hymns and songs that we sing that we think is using archaic and non-"God is my friend" language really does imply that personal and intimate relationship with God, seen in its proper context of course.)

Thai also has honorific language built into the language itself but unlike the Korean language which for the most part uses honorific conjugations (I could be wrong, I only studied up to Korean 5), the Thai language uses different words for higher beings - kings and gods/God. So all the nice conversational words I learned and memorized are pretty useless when I read the Bible because Jesus does all his verbs in the honorific form.

Anyway, my simplistic conclusion to that one is that Americans and our "Jesus is my homeboy" Christianity do not have the built-in language values to describe the holiness and transcendence of God. Or is it the language which is the expression of our cultural values that creates our Jesus Homeboy Christianity. I don't know, did the chicken or the egg come first? And Thai's would feel uncomfortable talking about God in too much of a colloquial language because God is supposed to be high and beyond us.

Yet God is amazingly both! Here's one of my favorite verses about this from Isaiah 57:15, "For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place,
and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite." God is fearsome, bigger than the universe, transcendent, holy, set apart, all-powerful, yet He calls us friend, we are adopted into His sonship, and we can cry to Him "Abba, Father." Too bad human language can't seem to capture this.

2. One of my favorite Thai words is glap jai which means "to repent." Glap is used in phrases like glap baan which means "return home" or glap rot which means "u-turn" and jai means "heart or mind." Its literal meaning is returning your heart or turning your heart around. Now that's a great definition of repent, like the original Greek word metanoeo which means to change one's mind. Yet the primary definition of the English word "repent" is to feel sorry. (I guess if you study that word in Latin it means something like "do penitence again" but what does that even mean for us 21st century folk?) And that seems to carry over into American Christianity where if we sin, repenting just means we feel sorry about it and God forgives us and everything is good and dandy. The Thai and Greek word carries the full meaning of repentance which is not merely feeling sorry, but changing or turning your heart around, that is towards God. It's more of an action than it is an emotion. We turn away from our sins, not just feel sorry about them.

3. Coming in at a close second is the Thai word santi suk which means "peace". This word is really cool because it's a word created by Christians because the original Thai word for peace is santi which comes from the Buddhist conception of peace, namely a peace that comes from the absence of everything. In the Buddhist worldview is the point of life is to remove oneself from all desire then peace is empty. I think the world that is under pervading influence of Buddhism has this conception of peace. Have you seen those "coexist" or "peace" bumper stickers with all the symbols of world religions? Is peace really an ideal that's so simplistic that all these different religions with different worldviews are going to somehow retract some of their conflicting beliefs for this false sense of peace? You believe what you want and I'll believe what I want, let's just not step on each other's toes and we'll call it peace.

But no sir, that is not the Christian peace, santi suk. The Thai word suk means joy and you put that with santi and bam! you got santi suk which would mean something like a joy filled peace. Now that's on track with the biblical definition of peace which comes from the Hebrew word shalom which the ESV Study Bible describes as "where a person's life with God and with everything else is in ordered harmony, both physically and spiritually, and “all is well.”" Real peace is not the merely the absence of conflict or a withdrawal from the enemy but it is full-force unrelenting march toward the enemy with love. Real peace is not passive, but is active in bringing about joy and love and harmony in all things.

4. The last word I like is the Thai phrase for saying sorry, khoe thoot. It literally means "I ask for your punishment." I wonder what kind of cultural value that denotes hahaha jk. It's just funny.

Hope that was interesting, and if not, too bad I'm a nerd. =)

The Joys of New Christians

2010-01-31T17:12:00.000+07:00

There's a section on seminary applications that asks you when you became Christian or accepted Christ as Lord and Savior. I keep dreading that question because I really have no idea when I became Christian. I don't even have a specific experience of personalization (a fancy term I learned at UCLA as a Religion major meaning the act of taking and making the faith of one's parents into one's own personal faith). I just always went to church (as if church is just a building right?) and God became more evident in His existence and sovereignty in my life.

As a result, I don't really even have a "first love" experience or memory. Whenever I read Revelations and think about my first love, I usually just go back to previous "moments" - the kind where you are so in awe and consumed by God's love and grace. It's probably the same thing right? (This is probably why my personal theology on salvation centers not around a decisive moment but rather a life of continual sanctification and obedience to God...but this is not to de-emphasize that singular, important moment of justification...but I digress).

Regardless, whether your story is like mine or you have a more decisive salvation story, the fact is we as humans are quite forgetful, especially of the love and grace of God. Sometimes we just get into the grind of life, work, school, and ministry and forget the reason why we decided to do everything in the first place. We may be faithful in terms of what we do, but our heart and motive behind it has become hazy and unclear.

On the mission field, I have found no better first love reminder than seeing and witness to the first love of new Christians. God is like that shiny new toy that we loved and played with and got bored of, but when someone new comes and is having fun with the toy again, you suddenly want it back. But with God, there's enough to go around for everyone!

I bring this up because in the past two weeks we've had two new believers put their faith in Jesus Christ. The kind of joy in the air and the excitement in their eyes can't be replicated by other circumstances. If I remember correctly, John Piper's father once told him, "There's no greater joy than winning souls." I truly do believe this because as new believers learn about God, share their experiences and testimonies, I see God reviving joy in the hearts of all the other members. Both of the staff members here cry every time they hear someone's testimony. I see friends of new believers with tears of joy that their friend has entered into and are now enjoying the great community of God.

Back when I was in college (that is...seven months ago...), I got to experience the kind of joy and love of teaching and sharing Christ with younger believers. This brought me great joy as other students moved from the socialization of Christianity (growing up in a faith or tradition) to personalization of faith, but I regret that I never saw one complete non-believer come to Christ. And this is my fault because I never bothered to go outside the bounds of church.

I mean if you really think about a complete non-believer putting their faith into Christ, it's really an amazing thing. And I'm not just talking about the amazing theology behind it - God by his grace regenerating children of wrath, and calling rebellious beings into the adoption of sonship through the obedience and suffering of Jesus Christ. I think about all the practical things behind conversion like the fact that someone is giving up a worldview that they've grown up with, with its attached cultural and behavioral values and customs. Christian kids know the Christian law, values, and behavior before they accept the Christian gospel, but when they put faith in Christ, the worldview of Christianity is more or less there. But growing up Buddhist for twenty years, believing in the power of merit from all sorts of rituals, then leaving all those things behind to follow a daresay foreign God? I mean Buddhism technically doesn't even have a God in its belief system.

But these new believers have found something worth throwing away twenty years of what previously gave them worth and value in their life. They're willing to face being shunned or shamed by family members and friends. And on top of that, they're just filled with this infectious joy that's overflowing from their first love.

I would love for brothers and sisters back home to be able to experience this kind of joy, and they CAN. We just need to step outside our four walls and turn to a neighbor or a classmate. But more on my thoughts of how that can happen later.

For now, please pray for Kazuko and Jubjib, the new sisters in Christ, that their joy would only continue to grow as they come to know and be known by the living God.

God is moving!

Spiritual Wilderness

2010-01-31T13:56:00.000+07:00

It's been a long time blog. Too long?

Quite frankly, I'm writing my first post in over a month with hesitation and fear. I love putting into words the different thoughts that have been jumbling around in my head. I love sharing the different experiences, emotions and feelings that God has given me with people back at home. But blogging, that is sharing things God has been teaching me, comes with a deep deep price.

I don't know about other people, but I am a very prideful person. My nature is adverse to humility and arrogance courses through my veins. And what horrifies me the most is that I have the uncanny ability to take something beautiful that God has given me or has taught me, and turn it into something that glorifies not God, but myself. I am blessed by God. I am blessed when I share my blessings with others. But rather than continually looking toward God for more blessings, I become satisfied with not what God has done or is doing, but what God has done or is doing through me.

And the thing about blogging is that I don't like writing about lessons God is teaching me in the middle of it. I like going through the entire experience, then reflecting back upon all that has happened and creating a nice beginning, middle, and end. Unfortunately, when I'm mid-trial or tribulation, I don't feel much like writing. So here's a secret: if you haven't seen me blog for a while, I probably don't feel like I'm at a point where I should be blogging. And this vicious cycle continues where I blog, become proud of what I've learned, become independent from God, fall hard, don't blog, recover, and blog again. So I have a lot to share from the past month which I'll try updating topically, but please please, pray that blogging would not become a source of pride and self-satisfaction. I would love to share all the blessings I've received, but I can't if my blessings turn into my own curse.

I am reminded of Jeremiah 2:13 because I commit two evils: forsaking God, the fountain of living waters and hewing out cisterns that hold no water for myself. The picture I see in my head is something like drinking crystal clear, mountain spring water and then being proud that I sweat it out. Then I proceed to satisfy and sustain myself on my own sweat. Maybe a better example would be drinking one's urine. Or the biblical example would be the dog returning to its vomit right? Whatever the case, God's grace flowing out from us is not meant to feed us. Yes we are blessed when God uses sinful creatures like us for His will, but it's supposed to make us look continually to God, not ourselves.

Anyway, Song Kim (Missionary Daniel's wife) said something quite profound to me last night and I want to leave with this: "There's a kind of faith that grows in the context of church and being surrounded by Christians, and there's a kind of faith that grows on the mission field. The kind of faith that grows on the mission field has to be a deep faith."

I'd say January had to be the toughest month for me in Thailand. Maybe it's the six month wall or that I have a huge slump every winter time starting from my freshman year in college. Actually, this past month was the toughest month of my life. All the other times I had my friends and my pastors and my church to fall back upon, places and people to nurture and take of me. And I grew during those times. But this past month was so, so hard. Perhaps it was the sovereign plan of the Lord for me to go through this during a time when everyone back home gets to be uber-blessed from two weeks of teuksae and prayer and sermons. And this was my first month living in my apartment so I was never home to talk to people at home. And people were probably tired from teuksae so they weren't online to talk anyway. And Satan used the new year with all my self-effort, self-induced goals and ambitions to bring all my failures crashing down on me.

Whatever the case, I had nobody but God in the spiritual wilderness. And I understand now just a taste of what the missionary's faith requires: a deep deep foundation and rooted-ness in the vine that is Christ. There's no water in the desert, that's why cacti have freaking deep roots. So hopefully God made me more like a cactus.

Santa = Satan?

2009-12-20T17:44:00.001+07:00

Whoa whoa whoa Eric, are you talking about Jolly Ole St. Nick? Kris Kringle? Santa, Santa Claus?! How dare you equate a cherished and beloved symbol of the Christmas season with the Father of Lies, the Prince of Darkness? Come it's not like we're worshiping Santa Claus. We know he's not real, it's just something fun we do like the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny (Don't you know that Jesus and his disciples painted eggs together at the Last Supper?). You don't need to go all extreme and make things black and white. All in good fun, all in good fun.

Haha, I agree but here are my reservations:
1. We can kind of safely have these pseudo-symbols or characters on religious holidays like Christmas and Easter because America is a Christian-ish country. And by that I mean, we're now labeled post-Christian, but there's cultural, symbolic, and moralistic residue left over from when America used to be very Christian. So for the Christians at least, it might be something Christians kind of play along with but everyone knows God is the only true and living God and that Jesus is the reason for the season. And for non-Christians, Santa can be something to give some kind of meaning to their holiday break from work (as far as I know, no Asian countries give Christmas day off).
2. It might be more okay in America to just play along with these kinds of things because Western materialistic worldview discredits the supernatural as a given. At a certain age, no one's really going to believe that tooth fairies, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny exists. However, in a more pantheistic, spiritual/animistic Eastern/Asian worldview everything is and can be a god and is able to be worshiped. For example, P'Mee shared with me once that if you take a funny shaped rock, say it brings good luck and give it to an animistic Thai, they'll put it up on their shelf of religious objects and believe that it's going to give you good luck. If you come and say a statue changed your life, they'll take the statue and worship that. If you give them the Bible and say that it changed your life, they.... no they don't take that one.

So let's look at the nature and powers of Santa:
1. Possibly immortal as he's been handing out presents for hundreds of years.
2. Has the power of flight
3. Possibly omnipresent, especially if he's going to every child's house in one night. Or the power of super-speed.
4. Possibly has the power of teleportation, especially when your apartment doesn't have a chimney. (Maybe he's just good at picking locks)
5. Omniscient - He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... So be good for goodness' sake.
6. Apparently works according to the universal moral law. If you're good, you get a good gift. If you're bad, you get coal. What if you're really bad, like evil? It's been discussed, you get coal. (Five points to anyone who knows where that line is from.)
    a. However, he doesn't seem to keep a real list, or is quite gracious because everyone seems to get gifts on Christmas morning. (Except that one time when I went on vacation to Las Vegas with my family and my mom said Santa wouldn't come follow us on vacation.)

Sounds like a god to me. I'm not writing this post to point fingers at America and Christians who celebrate Santa with their kids and tell them they're worshiping Satan. I'm not that crazy. But it's interesting to take a look at Santa from the Thai perspective and understand exactly why the Christian church would dare not bring Santa into any type of Christian tradition. They have their own cultural residue that they need to get rid of and to bring in an imported tradition that could possibly be received through a spiritual/animistic worldview doesn't sound too safe. Thai Buddhists look at Christianity through their worldview anyway - either something to be rejected or just another way to nirvana. I'm sure there's enough confusion trying to explain the idea of a personal creator God and the reason why we need the gospel, so to add Santa is quite unwise.

Is Santa Satan? Is it coincidence that they use the SAME LETTERS?! I'm not going to shove my opinion down anyone's throats but as you make your opinion for yourself, let us consider who we worship and what this Christmas season is for. Not a jolly old fat man with super powers, but a man who "had no form or majesty that we should look at him and no beauty that we should desire him," a "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." A man "wounded for our transgressions...crushed for our iniquities," and by whose stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53)

This season is about Christ Jesus:
⁶Who, being in very natureGod,
      did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷but made himself nothing,
      taking the very natureof a servant,
      being made in human likeness.
⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
      he humbled himself
      and became obedient to death—
         even death on a cross!
⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
      and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
      in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
      to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:6-11)

Glory to God in the highest!

Eric's Book Corner - 12/14/09

2009-12-14T01:27:00.000+07:00

Because of all the new books people sent and plenty of ample time for reading (although I'm still not reading as much as I'd like), I want to just give some summaries or ratings of different books that I've read while I'm here.

John Piper - Let the Nations Be Glad

My Rating: 4.5/5

Probably the first book I finished in Thailand as I tried to cultivate a heart for missions. Let the Nations Be Glad is an amazing book that points to the glory of God in all things, and how missions plays into that. I mean who hasn't heard the line "Missions exist because worship does not"? Piper as always writes seeking to take his readers beyond just contentment and satisfaction in relative standards to seeing God through the standard of the ultimate and the infinite. You just want to see the bigger picture in the entire plan of God and his purpose for missions. There were so many chapters where after I finished I had to just stop and pray. And to me that's the mark of a great great book. I would give the book a five out of five just because I'm biased towards Piper, but the entire middle section becomes quite heady and academic because Piper takes the effort to biblically support the doctrines of eternal damnation and the definition of "nations" as ethnic people groups through exegesis of original Greek. I know no Greek and as nerdy as I am, that part just got really boring. But the first and last third of the book is quite great. I suggest you go pick up a copy now!

A.W. Tozer - The Knowledge of the Holy

My Rating: 3.5/5

I absolute loved Tozer's The Pursuit of God and I remember PJ recommending this book if you wanted to know more about the attributes of God. It's not a bad book by any means, but Tozer does write from half a century ago and even though that doesn't seem like a lot, a book just has to be amazing to outlast the influences of an ever-changing language (To me, C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity is an example). Tozer goes through around twenty different attributes and takes the time to make sure that knowledge about the attributes of God will not be head knowledge but heart knowledge. He wants the reader to learn about a unique attribute of God and overflow in exultant worship. Maybe because I've read books on attributes of God before and I didn't try hard enough to make this into heart-knowledge, but nothing really spoke out to me. However, if you would like to study the attributes of God for the first time it might be worth your time.

John Piper - The Pleasures of God

My Rating: 5/5

The second in Piper's trilogy (Desiring God, The Pleasures of God, Future Grace), Piper takes a whole book to talk about just why God is most glorified when He is most satisfied in himself - a corollary from Piper's famous line "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him" from Desiring God. I let a friend borrow the book so I can't be more detailed about it, but Piper's chapter on how prayer glorifies God was another one of those things you read and you can't help but pray for an hour after. The book also gives Piper's answers on things like election (and how God is glorified in it) as well as the two wills of God (like can the love in John 3:16 be applicable to all or only God's chosen elect?). Again, I'm giving this book a biased rating because I want everyone to go pick up a copy. But really, go out and pick up one of his three most famous books (among many others).

Jack Deere - Surprised by the Power of the Holy Spirit

My Rating: 5/5

I rate this book high because it's just something I really really needed to read at this point in my walk and if you're like me, this book is a must read. The deepening of my walk with God began on a very intellectual basis, starting with like intro books to Reformed Theology by R.C. Sproul in my sophomore year. I'm kind of a rational, logical kind of guy when it comes to how I see things anyway so I ate up these kinds of theology or apologetics books. But somewhere in that development, I developed a rational framework to deny the power of the Holy Spirit. And it's something along the lines of "I know that logically God can do anything like heal or perform miracles today, but I just don't believe God will use me to do it." Jack Deere points out how statements or beliefs like these aren't really beliefs in the power of God that God still does work through the giftings of the Holy Spirit today powerfully and supernaturally. This entire realm of the Holy Spirit is still quite a mystery to me, but I agree with Deere when he argues that the gospel is powerfully supported through signs and wonders, although he makes it clear that ultimately God must open hearts to the message itself. So for all who feel trapped in a logical rational Christianity (which isn't necessarily bad) and want a biblically supported argument for exploring the power of the Holy Spirit, I recommend this book.

Making Every Moment Count

2009-12-13T00:29:00.000+07:00

As mentioned in the previous blog, Grace Fellowship had a going home party for Jinny on December 11, 2009. The students made a slideshow of her and we went around sharing some memories, feelings and words of appreciation. Then Jinny was able to give her testimony (translated by P'Koy), with the last section of encouragement given in Thai by herself - something she had memorized in the back of the truck on the way to and from Pai.

This is the second going home party I've been to, the first one being for Chungwon, a volunteer from Korea. And at both parties, sometime during or near the end of the entire going around in a circle and sharing part, I have some kind of mental flash forward imagining my own going home party. (Is that rude of me to wander off into my own thoughts? Or egotistical that it would be a daydream about a party for me? hahaha) But in all seriousness, I don't think about it because I like the idea of a party for me or because I would want people to cry and make me feel special or something, but I think about it because in these moments I realize a culmination of experiences, relationships, feelings and emotions from the entire past year or months is coming together for half an hour of sharing. How do you put into words the kind of things someone has taught you, the kind of character they displayed, and the kind of memories you shared in a few minutes while still letting them know how important they were to you?

These moments always put some burden on my heart as I think about whether I've been making the same kind of impact or making the relationships in the same way. Again, not because I want to say I've touched someone's heart so much that they cannot help but tear up, but because I realize I have a limited amount of time here and if I'm not diligent and wise about the way I spend my time and make/sustain relationships, an entire year could have gone to waste for me and for people I've gotten to know in Thailand. I think the closest example for people back home could be being a part of doing ministry in eCollege, although you can still see the same people after you go to NEXT.

Sometimes we feel like we can always leave issues or matters, especially in relationships, for later because we don't often have to experience the paradigm changing effects of parting forever. It's only when you realize that you might never see someone again that you would be willing to swallow your pride or put petty differences aside, especially when it's someone that is deeply cared about. Or we might not take the initiative in making new deep relationships when we think some person will be around for a while. But the effects of realizing you may never see someone again are truly eye-opening in the way you look at the way you spend your time or maintain relationships.

One of my favorite passages from Acts comes from chapter 20. Paul is about to leave the church in Ephesus not knowing whether he'll ever return and shares some examples from his ministry, some warnings and admonitions. Afterward, three years of ministry in Ephesus culminates into this powerful and moving scene:

And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship. (Acts 20:36-38)

Paul was a man whose pastoral care and love can be seen when he expressed to the church in Corinth that he would "most gladly spend and be spent for [their] souls" (2 Cor. 12:15). And here in Acts 20 is the result of being spent for his sheep, as all whose lives were changed, impacted and touched by Paul's ministry weeps, embraces and kisses him not knowing whether they would see him again.

If you had to leave your friends, people you were ministering to and even acquaintances tomorrow, what would be their lasting image of you? I guess this is the question that runs through my mind during these going home parties. Has what I've done here mattered in an ultimate eternal sense? Has anyone's lives been changed or influenced (although not by the virtue of my own goodness, but Christ in me)? It's a good reminder to make every moment count.

Pictures from Pai

2009-12-12T23:29:00.000+07:00

From December 10 to 11, I was able to go with some students from Far Eastern University to the scenic mountain village of Pai. It was a great opportunity to take in some beautiful sights, hold a day camp for some Thai/Chinese students, and show the students from Far Eastern University some of the kind of work Christians do as the gospel overflows in our lives.

Check out the pictures on Facebook.

I survived 762 curves on the way to Pai and another 762 on the way back.
A big holler to Paul TJ Park for teaching me how to drive stick and Grace Lee for refining my skills.
But I had to learn how to do inclines by myself. That was scary, but fun. (No stalling!)

Also included, pictures from Jinny's going-home party.

Baptism Retreat Pictures

2009-12-09T16:29:00.002+07:00

Find them all here:
Baptism Retreat Pictures on Facebook

Thanks Everyone!

2009-12-08T11:38:00.000+07:00

First of all, thanks to everyone who sent all the gifts and goodies with my family. You know who you are. I know who you are. haha.

My new reading list:

Grace Fellowship performing "You Said"

2009-12-08T03:13:00.000+07:00

The members of Grace Fellowship performed this body worship as a thank you to its leaders.
I upload this video as a thank you to STEM 2009.

I hope you are all blessed!

"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea."
- Habakkuk 2:14

Grace Fellowship Baptism Retreat

2009-12-08T02:58:00.000+07:00

Months of baptism classes, learning about God and Christian life, saving money 3 baht at a time for every missed QT, pastoring and prayer culminated into Grace Fellowship's 3rd Baptism Retreat from December 4th to 7th. Nine baptism candidates and sixteen other church members and missionaries left Chiang Mai for Rayong, a non-touristy beach about three hours southeast of Bangkok. Before heading over to Koh Samet (Samet Island), the students were asked how they felt about their imminent ceremony. Some expressed excitement, while others stayed emotionless. But by the time we arrived on the island and head out onto the beach, electricity was in the air as anticipation began to increase.

There was much to be excited about because this year's trip was quite unique from the previous two baptism retreats. The other retreats had been held at your everyday Chiang Mai mountain resorts, the same places all the English camps had been held before. The baptisms in the two years prior had had only two candidates total, but this year God had poured out His blessings upon Grace Fellowship as an unprecedented nine members were about to be baptized. Many if not most of the retreat's attendees had never seen the ocean before in real life.

As the members donned their white baptism robes, a small crowd of tourists and Thai people began to gather. I thought in my head, 'If I wasn't a Christian, I'm sure I'd think this is weird too. Those white robes remind me of those cults who drink poisoned Kool-Aid before they meet Lord Xenu in the Omega Galaxy...' But in the end I was glad to see these random strangers become an audience in a beautiful ceremony as we sang praises, gave thanks to God and baptized our members. For all the bad rep (rap?) Christianity can get sometimes, this baptism was a witness of sorts of our God who in the same way revealed his triune presence at the baptism of Jesus proclaiming "This is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased" (Matt. 3:17). I know God was rejoicing with gladness and exulting over his new children with loud singing (Zeph. 3:17).

"Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men." - Matthew 4:19

After we returned back to the house we were staying at, the owner of the house came and gave his testimony. It was about two hours long and for those of us who don't understand Thai was quite torturous. But the man had all the Thai people's attentions as he shared about his life of wealth before coming to Christ with all its uncertainties and fears and how his life changed afterward. He destroyed his statues and amulets and other religious trinkets worth well over ten thousand dollars (that's right dollars!). He has only been Christian for five years now and has read through the Bible eight times, converted most of his family and friends and has even been used to bring his father back to life. But most importantly he wanted to share to the members that they should in no way see baptism as an end. The members may have "graduated" baptism class but baptism was now the beginning of their new life. Their baptism represented their new birth into Christ, their union with Him in His death and resurrection and now they must go and make other disciples, baptizing them in the same name they were baptized.

The Sunday after the baptism, the newly baptized members were able to partake in Communion for the first time. Many of them had been coming to Grace Fellowship for months or years but now they could finally partake of the body and blood of Christ. As P'Mee began explaining the entire sacrament again, some of the newly baptized members had tears in their eyes. I found out later that a couple of them in that moment had been thinking about their old meaningless life before this holy moment and they could not help but weep as they thought about how lost they had once been.

One other girl had cried too but for a different reason. She had grown up knowing about Christianity and had finally gotten baptized at this retreat. But her tears were tears of a longing for first love. She saw the others crying around her and began to cry because she wanted to feel God's presence and the absolute certainty of His love that others were now overcome with. When I heard about this, I couldn't help but remember that story of Charles Spurgeon weeping in his study and when asked why, replying that he was weeping because the gospel no longer brought him to tears.

I know most of the people who read this blog have been Christians for a long time. To you I want to ask: Does taking communion bring you to tears as you reflect upon the sacrifice of Christ? Does baptism bring you exuberant joy as new brothers and sisters become united with Christ? Does the gospel still cause you to weep over your depravity and cry in joy over God's goodness and grace? I grew up in the church, was baptized as an infant and confirmed in college, yet I am saddened to think about how easily I have forgotten my own first love again and again. I had much to think about this retreat as I reflected upon where I was in my own walk, well off the path laid down by Christ and wandering meaninglessly. Why had God brought me to Thailand? How could He use a heart that had become so apathetic and complacent? Better yet, why would He use such a sinner like me?

My heart feels for the girl who cried because she forgot what it was like to cry over her first love with Christ. Yet I can't even cry about that. But praise God as he caused my cold calloused heart to beat again as I participated in a ceremony that has become so secondary and has lost so much meaning. I thank God for reminding me of the first love and the first joys of becoming baptized and partaking in communion.

Perhaps the only way we won't forget or become apathetic towards these wonderful means of grace is for our own love and passion to become renewed by the fresh love of new believers. I want to see more genuinely new believers coming to know Christ for the first time and falling ever deeply in love with Him that my own heart would beat with excitement and joy over the Lord Jesus as well.

Say Hello to My Bike

2009-12-04T14:34:00.004+07:00

Here is my beast of burden. 110 cc's of pure exhilaration.
During the night when the hives of scum and villainy come alive he goes by the moniker "White Ranger" as my valiant steed and I battle the forces of evil.

During the day, his name is Tommy.

2009-11-17T22:35:00.001+07:00

Sometimes I just have to take time to learn what I'm writing about rather than writing about what I learn.

Talk About A Bad Day

2009-11-05T00:39:00.005+07:00

Today, Grace Fellowship held a special Korean Night where we ate Korean food, played games and sang Korean songs. The kimchi-jjigae was delicious and the songs were festive, yet I noticed one of the Thai students walking in late with a dejected look on her face. She is one of the new believers and is usually happy, present at all the meetings and enjoys singing all the songs. But today, she ate in the kitchen, didn't participate in the games and sat in a corner sadly drifting away into her thoughts.

So afterward I went up to her and asked how she was doing.
(In Thai)
"How was your day?"
"Good."
"I don't believe you. You look sad. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe you, something happened today huh?"

She finally let down her wall of solitude and with her eyes glistening shared with me about a horrible day. Things like not liking her school situation. Having go to some far location to do her field studies. Waiting for an hour to catch a songtaew (taxi truck) and then paying a ridiculous 100 baht for the ride (usually around 30).
(There was some more I couldn't catch because it was in Thai.)

After the night ended, I chatted with her through Skype and she asked me, "Why?" "Why would God allow this?" "What is God's plan?"

(Now this is the same girl who excitedly shared with me about how her sister had an experience of praying to God to find her lost keys. She's shared with me before about how when she was not yet Christian, she came to believe there was a God because she prayed to Him and He answered.)

My answer to her question:
"I'm happy for you."
"Why?"
"Now that you have been Christian for a little bit and learned about God more, when things like this happen and you have bad days, these are the times when God really becomes precious and beautiful. These are the times when things don't go right, but you know God is good. It's in times like these you grow more, you trust God more, you love God more."
"But I still want to know why? I wonder about his plan."
"Sometimes God tells us why, sometimes He doesn't. But he does promise us in his word that He will do all things for the good of those who have been called according to his purpose. Sometimes God does things that may not seem good to us but is ultimately for our greater good. One day you will look back and understand why God did this or allowed that to happen."

(During the Korean Night, we watched a youtube video of a Korean woman who had suffered massive 3rd degree burns, permanently disfiguring her appearance, yet still praising God and thanking Him for her life.)

"After I saw that video, I realized the things that happened to me are so small. I feel good about my decision to come to Grace Fellowship tonight."
"Yeah, maybe God wanted to show you today that even in our worst days, when we think of what Jesus did on the cross, it's really not that bad. Jesus had a REALLY bad day, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, that's why the thing that happened to me today is so small if I compare it to what happened to Jesus. I need read the Bible more to answer what his purpose is."

It's amazing how our big, daunting, depressing, hopeless, terrifying situations and circumstances become small, insignificant, and trivial when we come to His word and read about our mighty, powerful and sovereign God who holds out his amazing promises of joy and peace that transcends all understanding.

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Loy Krathong Festival

2009-11-03T23:48:00.004+07:00

Caption: I stole this photo of "khom fai" (sky lanterns) from wikipedia because my crappy camera can't do the festival justice. (Am I gonna get in trouble? I hope not.)

Other photos taken by me at my Facebook album.

The past three days in Chiang Mai was the Loy Krathong Festival. Loy Krathong means "floating banana tree trunk raft" and is "decorated with elaborately folded banana leaves, flowers, candles, incense sticks, etc" (Wikipedia...ahahah).

Here's a picture I took of the Krathong that is not yet "Loy"ing (floating) on a river. It's actually a Krathong yuu bon dto (Krathong on a table).

Before us short-term missionaries went out to the festival, we prayed for spiritual protection and an awareness/understanding of some of the things we would see. God reminded me that He created the diverse cultures of the world, each containing a shell of the beauty that came from being created in the image of God. Even though some of the rituals or actions may now be against God, God wants to redeem all the cultures of the world so that in the end of days, the diversity of mankind (people from every nation, tribe, and tongue) will come together to worship God.

Anyway, the festival was loud and exciting like an American Independence Day, except with illegal fireworks. I'm sure there were some M80 type firecrackers and bottle rockets (that some Thai kids throw at you while you're driving by on your motorcycle!). The festivities continue late into the night and as the last of the sky lanterns turn into tiny specks of light in the night sky, you can hear the bomb-like explosions and shrieking squeals of fireworks still going off. Cacophonous Thai music with bouncy rhythmic beats color the sounds of people as they excitedly twirl sparklers around, set off fire crackers, and light the sky lanterns that come in an assortment of colors.

A parade began on a street perpendicular to the one we were standing on. Columns of Thais in traditional clothing walked by, with some carrying ornately dressed children on their shoulders. Colorful floats with elephants (the Thai national animal) and miniature temple-shaped buildings passed by as well. (see picture below)

Anyway, Wikipedia describes Loy Krathong:

Apart from venerating the Buddha with light (the candle on the raft), the act of floating away the candle raft is symbolic of letting go of all one's grudges, anger and defilement, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot. People will also cut their fingernails and hair and add them to the raft as a symbol of letting go of the bad parts of oneself. Many Thai believe that floating a krathong will create good luck, and they do it to honor and thank the Goddess of Water, Phra Mae Khongkha.

A multitude of Lanna-style sky lanterns (khom fai) are also launched into the air where they resemble large flocks of giant fluorescent jellyfish gracefully floating by through the skies. These are believed to help rid the locals of troubles and are also taken to decorate houses and streets.

Well I'm not going to make too many religious/cultural judgments on a festival that I only know about through Wikipedia and hearing random bits here and there from Thai people, but here's a few thoughts I had:

1. The Loy Krathong that is floated down the river as a symbol of "letting go of all one's grudges, anger and defilement, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot," reminded me of scapegoat that would be released into the desert on the Day of Atonement. Leviticus 16:20-22 describes the ritual:

When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. he is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites - all their sins - and put them on the goat's head. he shall send the goat away into the desert in the care of a man appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert.

This scapegoat, along with the other goat which would be sacrificed on the altar in the Most Holy Place would point to the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. His blood would propitiate and exhaust the wrath of God and upon the cross, He would expiate our sins, removing our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. Yet the process of removing all our sin, grudges, anger and defilement so that we can start life afresh is not symbolic when it comes to Christ. It was a real event that changed the course of history two thousand years ago and gives the gift of new life and the hope of glory to all who believe in Him. Praise God!

2. The Khom Fai (sky lanterns) that also carry one's fears, hopes, wishes and prayers to the heavens is something that resounds in the human heart. Who doesn't want to believe that there is some greater being or force in this universe that will receive our worries? It's the eternal yearning of other-worldly hope that comes from the realization of the futility of self-effort and the weakness of man. How amazing and wonderful that our God is a personal, living God that seeks to have a relationship with us. Isaiah writes of our God, "For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: 'I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite'" (Isaiah 57:15). The eternal God, higher than the heavens is here with us in our hearts to assuage our fears, give us hope and fill our needs. We can cast our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Once again, the sky lanterns are symbolic, but the prayers we lift up are real and carried by the Spirit up to God, made pure and holy by the blood of Christ, and mediated by Jesus himself. Therefore we can approach the throne of grace with confidence and boldness where we will find mercy and grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

3. Lastly, it's not only Thais but foreigners who take part in the floating of Krathongs down the river and launching Khom Fai into the sky. I wonder if they understand the meaning behind their actions, or if they've heard from people about the symbolism of prayers being sent up or defilement being floated away, I wonder if they partake with genuine belief something good will happen if they do. I don't think I would have had a problem to float a sky lantern for the sake of it...I think. Regardless, it's interesting to think about whether Christians should partake in an activity even if its lost most or all of its pagan religious meaning (which in Thailand, I don't think it has). I mean think about Halloween (everyone's favorite target, but even the greatest day next to Easter, my birthday (or Christmas). I mean who is Santa Claus? Why does he give presents? If he really understood the depravity of mankind, no one would get presents because aren't we all naughty? I forgot what I was talking about in this last point.

Anyway, American holidays are so bland and boring compared to Thai holidays. Whoo...hotdogs...bonfire...picnics...meh. Isn't it interesting that our culture which has excised as much colorful festive superstitious-y, religious culture as possible has ended up being drab and colorless?

Some food for thought.

Until next time!

Paradigms, Perspectives, and Purpose

2009-10-31T13:05:00.002+07:00

Everyday we do things so out of routine and live our monotonous lives without ever questioning the purpose. Or maybe we've thought about the purpose before, but by adding the action into our daily routine, we've long forgotten the why. I know that brushing my teeth kills bacteria, freshens my breath, removes plaque, whitens my teeth and prevents the leading gum disease gingivitis, but I never think about that when I'm brushing my teeth in the morning (or on the other hand, I never think about how all that bad stuff is going to happen to me when I don't brush my teeth...haha).

But sometimes something flicks that mental switch which reorients all our perspectives and paradigms and you think about something that you've always done in a new light, or become amazed at it again. After I watched Surrogates a couple days ago (I know, another Surrogates movie mention? It's not even that great), I started looking at my fingers and watching them move. And I was amazed that right when I thought about making my finger move, my finger moved! My fingers move all the time whether I pick my nose or play my guitar, but that switch in my head went off and I became amazed at the fact my fingers move by my control. (I wasn't high or anything)

This past week I went out to the CMU cafeterias a couple times as I said I would. The first time, I ended up going a little late because of a couple errands and chores I had to do. The cafeteria was packed with hundreds of students waiting for food or tables. People talking excitedly with their friends. Cafeteria ladies with paper hats and hair nets scooping food onto plates. Students trying to cram in a couple pages of reading before the next class while scarfing down their food in between words.

Most of the time my mind doesn't even register that much. I'm usually just so focused on thinking about what I want to eat, or where I want to sit, or what I'm doing later that day, that by the end of the day I can't recall anything special I did, it was just another grind. No details, no purpose. It's in those days, I desperately want that mental switch to go off to give my mundane repetitive daily activities a new meaning.

But that lunch was different because I went with a purpose that afternoon. I wanted to see what God would want me to do when I put myself in the middle of the people He wanted me to be with. It's sad because I hadn't gone out in such a long time and things felt different (new tiling?!). Like I said, I had gone a little late and by the time I waited through the lunch lines, walked up and down the aisles for a table, sat down and ate, most of the students were leaving for their next class. I could have easily been discouraged, or came down harsh on myself for not coming earlier when there were seats available, but I just took a deep breath and looked around.

When I took time to do this and remembered the purpose I had come with, the switch in my head went off. I hadn't come with the focus to feed myself, but with my eyes looking outward to see what God wanted me to do. And more than just realizing what was going around me, I began thinking about why people were doing the things they were doing. Mark Driscoll writes in his book The Radical Reformission: Reaching Out Without Selling Out, "Every day, people eat, sleep, work, play, love, and hate, but they do not know why. Not knowing where they come from or to whom they are going, they lack the ability to make their lives meaningful." I thought about how we as Christians do so many things without purpose when we've been given a glorious purpose through Christ, but how even more, those who don't know Jesus will study, graduate, work, love, have kids, marry and die without any eternal purpose. I knew then and there that God had brought me late on purpose so I could just see the crowds and pray for them before I could do anything.

It reminded me of this passage from Matthew 9:35-38:

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

I remembered Pastor Jeff's sermon on this passage on January 18, 2009, how Jesus saw the crowds and had compassion. (and splancha, and how lost people made Jesus' stomach all knotted) But before Jesus saw the crowds, He was already going throughout all the cities and villages proclaiming the gospel and healing. He had a singular purpose to do all the Father asked of Him and to glorify the Father through Himself. So of course if Jesus knows that He was sent to earth to draw the lost sheep to Himself, Jesus will see the crowd and have compassion on the people. Jesus won't pass by the poor, sick, and hungry without any second thoughts. He knows his life purpose and mission. His purpose was not geared toward pleasing Himself, but pleasing the Father by serving His people.

So we've been doing things backwards this whole time. We run through our daily gauntlet from meaningless activity to meaningless activity, trying to maximize self-pleasure and minimize self-damage as much as possible, and at the end of the day we try to piece it all together and ask ourselves, "What was that all about?" We try to find a purpose in the things we did without a purpose, obviously don't find anything, then feel sorry for ourselves when we realize a year has passed with nothing to show for.

Had I come to the cafeteria without a purpose, or with only the mundane purpose of getting nutrition, I would never have seen the hundreds of lost and purposeless students, nor would I have realized that God wanted me at the cafeterias to intercede for the students while they were in front of my eyes. The switch went off in my head and I saw the students as more than just bodies that were pushing by me or taking up seats - I saw souls and feelings and eternal destination.

How many times did I walk up and down Bruinwalk without ever contemplating the fate of thousands around me? Were they hurting? Were they happy? How many times did I just eat lunch at my apartment without ever putting myself out where Jesus would have been? How could I ever expect the switch to go off in my head that would let me see the world through God's eyes that looks outward to the hurting and broken rather than my eyes that look inward to my felt needs and wants?

I think everyday we wake up with our eyes drawn inward and only by the act of the Holy Spirit can we start looking outward as God intends us to. The only thing that will flip that switch in our minds that changes all paradigms of what's important is renewing our life purpose in Christ. That's why I think morning devotions are better than night devotions. Morning devotions to me seem good for refocusing my heart on God and praying for that switch to go off, while night devotions are good for looking back and seeing how God was moving and thanking Him. Doing both would probably be the best. But like Christ, when we go out into the world everyday knowing our singular purpose to glorify God, we will always find something that needs to be prayed for, something that will shake up our paradigms that have settled on ourselves again.

So perhaps when we ask ourselves why God isn't moving in our lives, we just need a switch in perspective or paradigm. It's not that God isn't opening doors, we're just not looking. Perhaps we've just forgotten our purpose to look for what God is trying to do in our lives. Every single day we are walking by, driving past, sitting next to, eating in the same building with and sleeping in the same room with people that God has been wanting us to see with His eyes for the broken. There are people everyday He wants us to pray for and minister to. Let's just remember our purpose and look outwards to see what God has in store.

2009-10-29T02:24:00.001+07:00

Have you ever glanced through your Facebook newsfeed and saw an update of your Christian friend saying something like "Sue is in a relationship with Sally" or "Jill is married to Mary" without giving it a second thought? Or if any thought was given, it was just a surface thought like "O, I guess Sue and Sally must be really good friends."

But I saw one of those updates today, and something was different. Blame it on being in Thailand or something, but this time it just didn't sit right with me. I thought about it a little more deeply and realized that something so seemingly harmless is actually a terrible witness to the wider community. Imagine a random stranger stumbling upon a Christian's facebook and without seeing any of the profile information sees that "Jill is married to Mary." Would this not mean at face value that Jill and Mary are lesbians who probably got married in a state that allows homosexual marriage? Then this random stranger looks at the rest of the information and sees that this person likes Christian music, is in some Christian Facebook groups, has posted some favorite Scripture, and lastly, "Religious Views:" says "Christian." In a day and age where homosexuality has in many ways become an accepted norm, Christians who hold that homosexuality is a sin are looked upon as judgmental bigots. It seems to me that there is too much of a disconnect between what Christians believe and how actions play out, at least with this issue.

I was initially tempted to just relegate the entire issue to Facebook relationship statuses, which only pertains to girls, but then I realized that at least in the Korean American church, boys pretty much do the same thing by acting "gay" with each other. And I'm guilty of this too. We have the idea that at some level of comfort, guys can act gay with each other and it displays some kind of camaraderie or brotherhood.

But I think both the Facebook relationship statuses and Korean American males acting gay points to a bigger issue of church in America. Churches in America are so homophobic that there are no real homosexuals within the congregation to make Christians think twice about putting up such a relationship status or acting gay. Christians can safely limit their profiles to only their friends (who are all Christian and heterosexual). Christian males (but I've seen some instances of females too!) can act towards one another in a homosexual manner in the church and it's deemed as funny.

I only bring this up because I'm starting to realize how sinful this duality really is where one hand condemns homosexuality but the other hand treats it as a trivial and funny matter. And the only reason why I realize this is because I'm in Thailand where being homosexual or transsexual or transgender is really, really the norm. Are they not lost people also created in the image of God? Too often they are cast off as the "other" and not even given the chance to come to the saving grace of Christ.

While STEM was here I remember doing stupid "gay" things with my fellow male teammates, and one of the Thai church members who had recently turned away from cross-dressing walked in. I remember being embarrassed, but continuing to do those kinds of things later when no other Thai people were around. I also recently heard that another Thai member was using the phrase "Man, that's gay" to refer to things he thought was stupid. Whether he learned that from me or other STEM members, all I know is that our culture of taking homosexuality so lightly within the church creates situations that formerly homosexual Christians should not have to face. Leaving a homosexual life is not like a switch, it's a daily struggle like any other sin. We Christians do not make it any easier by treating these things so trivially. Enough damage has already been done to hinder homosexuals from wanting to come to the American church as it is.

I'm trying to start a male fellowship here with the few male Christians within the church and all my paradigms of what male fellowship is within the Korean American church have been thrown out the window. I'm literally at an utter loss when I try to think of what we can do or what we can talk about when the group of males are not going to be homogeneously heterosexual. Even my Thai pastor is somewhat at a loss when it comes to how to deal with those who have given up the homosexual lifestyle to follow God.

In the end, I would like to make a final plea to anyone who reads this to consider the implications of things that we take so trivially and never give a second thought. I know that this culture of triviality will have to be put to death in me as well. But it must be put to death. It is a sinful culture that sends the wrong message to the world when we as the church are called to be the salt and light. Please imagine if you would do the same things and laugh about it in front of a formerly homosexual Christian. It just isn't funny anymore. It's not just a joke. Let's act as much as possible in accordance with Christ's example of loving the sinner and not the sin.

Psalm 40

2009-10-27T21:27:00.000+07:00

1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.

9 I have told the glad news of deliverance
in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
as you know, O Lord.
10 I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
from the great congregation.

I readily associate and connect with the first three verses of this psalm. I can think of two great songs that use these three verses in its lyrics (Hillsong - Most High and Jesus, Lover of My Soul). I'm sure everyone who has experienced the salvation of the Lord knows what it feels like when the world is sinking around you and you cling to the rock that is Christ like there's no tomorrow. In those moments of utter despair and desperation, Christ comes as a firm foundation and makes our steps secure. We can and want to live another day. He gives us salvation and becomes our delight. In our joy, new songs of praise overflow from our heart - not forced Sunday songs, but a daily, continual song of gladness.

But then I enter the real world, with people who do not know the joy of the Lord and whose father influences them to mock, ridicule and persecute me. My faith is no longer the "new song in my mouth" or the "glad news;" I become like Peter and cower instead of proclaiming my allegiance to the Lord. Verses 9 and 10 become a disconnect between what I want to do and what I really do. I restrain my lips and hide God's deliverance in my heart. I do not speak of God's faithfulness and His salvation; I conceal his steadfast love.

This should not and cannot be. Verse 16 says "those who love your salvation say continually 'Great is the LORD!'" whether at church or among the lost or even among the professed enemies of God. Jesus says "[we] are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." How can we hide the glad news?! Why don't our hearts burst at the seams when we restrain our lips?! The gospel should be like the gift a child receives and tells the entire world about with joy and glee.

O God that I may proclaim Christ from the mountaintops, shout salvation from the cities, sing praises in my room and declare your glory in the schools here! Grant your servant to continue to speak your word with all boldness.

Going out to CMU cafeterias. Pray for me that God may open to a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ(Colossians 4:3).

CTS Retreat - Videos

2009-10-27T13:16:00.001+07:00

Videos are UP! enjoy!

CTS Retreat - Taking Care of Children

2009-10-24T14:20:00.004+07:00

This weekend, Cathy, Jinny, Grace and I were invited to help at a retreat for Chiang Mai Theological Seminary (CTS). (Photos @ Facebook)

I've put up some pictures of the beautiful resort. I really really want to come to Thailand for my honeymoon...in 2012 (cross my fingers)...ahahahaha. It was nice having a hot shower for the first time since STEM left, but of course I had to get the one with the clogged drain, forcing my feet to bathe in two inches of my dead skin cells.

Not gonna say Holy Spirit came with tongues of fire or the sound of a rushing wind nor will I say revival came and all these people were saved. The retreat was for seminary students and graduates so hopefully they're all saved already. And my job was to take care of children with Cathy, Jinny and Grace using very limited Thai. But I love speaking Thai with kids cuz they can't use hard words and I can almost talk to them now. Hurray for speaking at a 3 year old level!

As I shared somewhere before, the theme of the retreat was "Spirit Filled God's Servants." I think the adults learned things about why the second baptism is wrong, what the Spirit's characteristics were like and how the Spirit works in our lives. And I think before every session the adults would bring the children to the front of the meeting room and pray for them, their welfare and spiritual lives. Usually when I teach children of non-Christian backgrounds or sing Christian songs with them I get this immensely sad and depressing feeling when I realize this could be the only time in their lives they ever sing praises to Jesus (even if they don't understand the words). But I didn't feel that way with these children whose parents were praying for them and would continue to pray for them. I think I just knew that God would see the faithfulness of their parents and have mercy on their children. It also reminded me of how my mom used to pray with me before I went to sleep. The two main things I remember is that I used to pray in Korean (I knew enough Korean to pray in Korean!) and we prayed a lot when my grandmother was sick and eventually passed away. But what a blessing it is to have parents concerned for the spiritual well-being of their children!

Speaking of children, I read a quote about God from G.K. Chesterton that is pretty interesting:

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, ‘Do it again’; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, ‘do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”

Just some food for thought.

I think E-College is having its ministry-wide Daniel Fast tomorrow. Last year I think I lost 10 pounds or something and seeing that I've lost around 15 pounds here already and the difficulty to cook meals for oneself, I decided to cut out internet and soda. I'll still be checking my e-mails so if you need to contact me just give me a holler. Or we could make Skype appointments if we haven't talked in long time and you're dying to talk with me. But I'm not that fun haha. I'll also continue to blog any insightful things that God reveals to me during this time of fasting. I recommend everyone do it! I've written in my STEM testimony before but the Daniel Fast was what led me to my confirmation to come to Thailand. God really does answer prayers when we ask, knock and seek, and He will be found by those who seek Him with all their hearts.

I Thank God for Community

2009-10-19T23:05:00.002+07:00

On Sunday, I went with Cathy (one-year missionary from Ohio) to Vineyard Church after service. It was my first time at an English service since I've been here in Thailand and praise God it was such a blessing. For a while my main spiritual feeding outside of personal devotion was a New Testament survey class I've been taking at Chiang Mai Theological Seminary. Then I started listening to John Piper sermons after helping out with the service at Grace Fellowship. The service is entirely in Thai, so I help out with praise and either pray or read my Bible in the back during the message. Sometimes I try to sit and understand the message but usually it's like "ooo that means sin!" I doubt I'll know enough Thai to understand a full message by the end of my year here, especially because the Thai Bible uses a higher, formal Thai that's different from conversational Thai. Then for the past two weeks, Mayer gave me the opportunity to watch eCollege service through Skype which is pretty cool but pixel-y.

All these means of feeding myself were great, but by last week I still found myself dry and spiritually weak. And after attending an English service on Sunday, singing praise songs in English (a bunch of Vineyard songs I didn't know), and listening to a sermon (if I could call it that, it was more like a seminar on spiritual gifts) I began to realize what I was missing. After the message, the four members of the congregation prayed for me and Cathy and it brought such peace to my heart as they gave me words of encouragement. I felt the warmth of their hands as they prayed for me and that sometimes tingly sensation when something they're saying really hits your heart.

Community.

I recently read a blog about how some internet church performed the first internet baptism and regardless of whether I think that's right or not, I know I'd never want that. There's something just so wonderful and beautiful about community. Not the kind where you can give yourself a screen name and craft perfect words or video angles to hide your true self, but the kind where you can take off all the masks and subterfuges of having it all together and be surrounded by people who will love you for who you are, not what they want you to be.

And I'm not saying that all of a sudden I had community with the members at Vineyard (although in some sense I did), but I think what was most blessing was that it reminded me the community I had back at home. Should I choose to continue attending this church, I'm not going to use them to think about my community at home...that's like kissing your girlfriend and thinking about Jessica Alba or whoever is popular these days. I have to make my sacrifices, put my guard down, and force myself to go through all the uncomfortable and awkward small talk. But that's what true community takes, no?

Remembering back to my journey through church community (and as I've shared to some before), I used to hate Sarang because it was too big and I had no group of people that would love me and encourage me to walk in the Lord. But I came to the realization that it's not entirely the church's responsibility to provide that. Because I never took the personal risks to put myself out there, there was no way I could ever get past the seemingly superficiality of other church members. But once I did take that leap, I found a group of people who were quite genuine with their flaws and willing to travel the journey of knowing Christ together.

I truly do miss home, my friends who speak English, praise songs in English, Chipotle and all that. But above all I miss the community of people of God, the living stones being built together brick by brick under the cornerstone that is our Lord Jesus Christ. God knows my particular situation and I pray He will provide for me a more than adequate substitute for what my heart so desires. But for everyone back home, I say take a minute to thank God for your friends and brothers and sisters that love you with the love of Christ, who stick by you during you times of adversity, who weep with you during your times of sorrow, who rejoice with you in your times of victory, who encourage you in times of despair, and who strengthen you in times of weakness. It's truly a gift of grace from God, let's not take it for granted.

The Vending-Machine God

2009-10-17T01:30:00.006+07:00

A couple nights ago I was eating dinnerwith Tiff, a junior at Chiang Mai University and a member of Grace Fellowship, when she received a phone call from her sister. After hanging up, Tiff excitedly told me about how her sister just had an experience with God. (For some more background info, Tiff accepted Christ within the last half year and has told me her sister was not very interested in becoming Christian.) Tiff has a lot of passion to know God even as a new believer and so I rejoiced with her at this news. I then asked her what this experience was and she told me the following: Her parents had just bought a new motorcycle for her sister. Her sister had gone to the mall and realized she lost her keys. So she prayed really hard to God and when she arrived at her motorcycle her key was in the basket.

I don't know what to think in these situations. I read or heard somewhere that Westerners like to have these categorical thought or belief systems and how if anything doesn't fit they like to just discard the evidence. I know that with God all things are possible and that He can help even with lost keys. But I wonder to what frequency does He do these things? How glorified is He in these things? I mean if this experience leads her to be more interested about Christ and eventually call upon Him as Lord and Savior, then I say "Praise God!" But whether she comes to saving faith or not, my biggest fear is that people would see God as some sort of insurance in times of need. I believe God is not glorified when the only time we seek Him is during the bad and troubled times. God wants to be worshiped and sought during times of joy and times when things go well. The worst degree of this kind of Christianity would be the prosperity gospel which teaches that God will help you get a better job, have better health, and be rich if you just pray to Him and have faith.

But I don't want to be some kind of spiritual buzz kill and be like, "Hey praise God, I'm glad to hear that He answered your sister's prayers. But remember Philippians 1:29, 'For it has been granted to you for that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.' We should learn to be absolutely content and happy in God even if God wanted us to lose a motorcycle. God has promised we will suffer as Christians. But remember, God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him, not his gifts or things he does for us."

I agree with John Piper that when Christians see God as some kind of divine vending-machine, they are led to believe that God would not let "bad" things happen to them. And when these bad things do happen, they turn away from God because they never loved him, only the nice circumstances they attributed to God. And I agree with John Piper that a Christian who truly values Christ would worship him in all circumstances, whether rich or poor, whether things go well or go wrong, and that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.

But to someone who has not seen the value and worth of Christ yet? This sounds like utter foolishness. But who says God can't work in the simple things like lost keys? And if God was really working through that, why can't I be fully happy for Tiff's sister? Why do I have to think about all these ultimate reasons and ultimate purposes for God or prayer? Am I just making a big deal out of nothing and not trusting God's wisdom in these issues by trying to bring my theology into every little issue?

Maybe sometimes God works in people's lives, like He did in Apostle Paul's life leading Paul to give up all things and count all things as loss for the sake of knowing Christ. (But then again he had a lifetime full of hardcore religiosity before he found the grace of God through Christ). And maybe sometimes God works slowly and steadily, like He did in my life, as God worked over years and countless stupid mistakes to help me give up more and more of my life to Him. But in my case, I had good teaching and good books to guide me in valuing God above all things and not using Him as a divine vending-machine.

So readers, I'd like to hear your thoughts. When is the right time to teach about the deeper things of Christianity? Since it's just one incident, I don't need to get all worried about some prosperity gospel or vending-machine God gospel seeping into the Thai churches right? (exaggeration) Should we as Christians let people know that God isn't all about just making our lives happy and neat before they become Christians? Or should we let them hold some slightly incorrect or incomplete views and have their experiences with God before these things are taught? Or should I just not hold such a strong-Piper theology? hahaha.

I just really want everyone to see and understand God as correctly as possible. Right thinking produces right action.

Who You Are Determines What You Do

2009-10-16T10:40:00.005+07:00

I have a problem. I'm naturally a pretty lazy guy, but that's only half of the problem. I'm lazy, but I'm idealistic and I like to think about things in the ultimate sense (as much as I can think in accordance with the Word). So I think a lot about what an ideal church community looks like or even more personally, I think a lot about what an ideal Christian or missionary looks like. But on the other hand I'm lazy and I don't do what is obviously needed to become more like the ideal. And I guess the last part of the problem would be that it's too easy to fall into thinking that "What you do determines who you are," instead of "Who you are determines what you do."

So on days here when I have plenty of people to teach English or guitar to and I have to spend time preparing lessons and things like that, I feel good about myself. I think, "Hey, I'm here for missions and now I have mission work!" So in my working and doing I feel like I'm (1) overcoming laziness (2) being a better missionary and (3) thinking my Christian work is making me more Christian.

Then I have days like these when students are on break and have gone home, classes have been canceled or postponed, or people don't want to learn anymore. I have more free time on my hands than I'm used to, and I'm not using it to read books or study Thai. I'm not doing much at all, and in my wrong way of thinking, not doing equates to not being a good Christian or a good missionary. This makes me depressed, which makes me even more lazy, which makes me do less, which makes feel like less of a Christian, which makes me more depressed (you get the idea).

As I reminded myself yesterday that being Christians is not what you do but who you are (by what Christ has done for us), God gave me a little reminder of the kind of fruitful work that overflows from an assurance of who you are. I went to my Thai class after skipping three of them (two of I skipped because I was fishing), and there was this new caucasian girl in the class. The only available seat was next to her, so I took it. They were going over a packet the teacher had handed out last week, and because the teacher had no more, I had to share with this girl next to me (No this is not a falling in love story).

During break, I found out that she was going to be in the course for a month and I was amazed to find out she knew so much Thai for being here only a month. She was struggling, but she had apparently studied so much to catch up with a class that had been learning for three months (and I've already taken a year of Thai at UCLA - Go Bruins!). She went up to the teacher to get some more help and I happened to glance over at her notebook which lay open on the table.

There was a list of vocabulary words that she had written down for herself to learn later and on it were some English words that she apparently had not found the Thai equivalent for yet.

come - maa
go - pay
broken -
prostitute -
Jesus -

I was like what?! Jesus?! She's Christian?! I talked to her more and found out she had been taking the Teaching English as a Second Language class and was planning to go to Mae Sai in a month to teach English to victims of sex trafficking. She had some kinda contact at Grace International School (school for missionary kids) and was offered a job there, but her heart was for victims of sex trafficking and she turned it down.

I never asked her age, but she looked like my age or maybe still even in college. She wasn't here with an organization and had apparently come by personal means. Yet here she was with a burning desire to learn and master Thai and go reach out to the people that God had burdened her heart with.

So I told her the words for Jesus, God, and grace (I don't know prostitute) and she was quite thankful. But as I sit here writing this post, I'm so thankful to God for putting this girl in the class, even if only for a month, to remind me of the kind of "work" that overflows from one passionate for God. I want have that kind of passion that motivates me to learn as many Thai words about Christianity as I can to share the gospel even by limited means. I'm sure for this girl studying is not a sacrifice or a chore - every word learned is one more bit of joy to share with those around her.

God help me devote my time, energies, and effort to your work here. Let me see the glory of your Son and what He has done to assure me of who I am. I am a new creation. I am a slave to righteousness. Who I am, a child of God, determines what I do. And from this identity, may such a passionate love for you and a burdened heart for your people overflow, so that work or effort would not really be "work."

We're Changing, God is Unchanging - What Good News!

2009-10-15T13:54:00.008+07:00

Haha, look at this guy. John Piper at age 31. It was his 30th anniversary a day ago since he became the pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church and left the world of academics for preaching the glory of Christ. It's hard to imagine someone that I so highly respect and admire at 31, an age where people are still trying to grow up and battle their youthful pride. Piper recounts a story from his seminary days, where he goes up to his professor to argue about human free will and drops a pen defiantly to prove his point saying, "I (not God) dropped it."

Pictures of old people when they were young always makes you consider the weight and reality of time. Time always passes, and people are always changing - either more in accordance to the image of Christ or more in sync with their depraved nature. I was not the same person I was five years ago, nor will I be the same person in five years (even if I choose to go back to the same childish ways). I mean imagine me at 28 acting like I did at 18 - I wouldn't be immature in the sense of an 18 year old, but that immaturity is at an even greater degree because I'm physically 28! Everything changes, from fashion to internet socializing sites (remember friendster?). But if we try to define ourselves in reference to any of these things that sway to and fro on the waves of time, there's no hope for any constancy. Only Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is the only firm foundation that we can rely on.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German Protestant Christian who was part of the Nazi resistance in World War II, sheds some light on the illusory constancy of this world and the absolute constancy of God in The Cost of Discipleship:

The disciple is dragged out of his relative security into a life of absolute insecurity (that is, in truth, into the absolute security and safety of the fellowship of Jesus), from a life which is observable and calculable (it is, in fact, quite incalculable) into a life where everything is unobservable and fortuitous (that is, into one which is necessary and calculable), out of the realm of finite (which is in truth the infinite) into the realm of infinite possibilities (which is one liberating reality).

How this world so convincingly tells us to put our hope in a nice job or a good husband or wife and when it comes down to it, our own good deeds based on our own standards of good! But we know from the recent recession that finances are never secure; I know from my past relationships that people fail you; and I know from my daily battle with sin that my playing arithmetic with my good and bad deeds will never add up. So often we're so myopic and fail to see beyond ourselves in our actions and the circumstances of our lives - when we succeed and things are going well, we pat ourselves on the back and sink into a contented apathy, and when we fail and things are going badly, we despair like the entire world is falling apart around us. We're so centered on ourselves when we ourselves are always changing that it's no surprise when the gospel according to ourselves fails us.

But the gospel is not according to our "self." What kind of good news is dependent upon uncertain circumstances or inconstant action? The gospel is completely outside of ourselves. It's the good news that the unchanging God has stepped into the ever-changing and fluctuating history of man to accomplish a work that will stand completely on its own! When Paul describes "the gospel preached to you" in 1 Corinthians 15 he says, "Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures." There is no talk whatsoever about anything we did to be rid of our sins and be reconciled with God. Rather, Christ died in our place and was raised by God to be the first-fruit and the hope of our future resurrection. And the fact that it was all "in accordance with the Scriptures" means God is truly unchanging and faithful to his promises, "For all the promises of God find their Yes in [Christ]" (2 Co. 1:20). The only "we," "us," or "our" in the gospel is that we are the recipients of a work done outside of us.

Thus the Bible says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). The only thing we do is to fix our eyes and look at what Christ has done, just as the Israelites looked to the bronze serpent to be healed. Jesus is the author and begins our faith, and he, not we, is the perfecter and finisher of it. He doesn't give us faith and ask us to finish it with our obedience. Jesus creates faith and leads us to continue putting our faith in what Christ has done. From this and only this comes the good fruit of obedience from faith. Jesus is the "rock that is higher than I" (Psalm 61:2) and we must look beyond the rock (really quicksand) of ourselves, to the firm rock and refuge that is Christ.

I remember praying once to God crying out, "Abba, Father!" and I had to stop and think about what it meant to call God my "father." I think parents only naturally have certain expectations and standards for their children as they grow up. Unfortunately children tend to correlate parental love with their obedience or their measuring up to a set standard. And I too often superimpose this image of my earthly father or mother upon the heavenly Father. God loves me but has certain expectations of me. Too bad He calls us to be holy, as He is holy. What an infinitely difficult standard to measure up to. There are some days when I feel like I'm doing well at being holy and I feel loved, and some days when I'm sucking it up and I feel God doesn't love me.

But then I pictured myself not as the twenty-something-year-old Eric, but the seven-year-old Eric. I remembered giving my dad a card for Father's Day where I drew a picture of him behind his office desk. I remembered doing stupid things like parting my hair like an old Korean man, putting on an old pair of my dad's glasses, and wearing shorts and a wife beater to be just like him. The card had no real aesthetic value - you certainly wouldn't see my portrait of my dad in the Getty - but it was the fact my dad loved me which made the card count for anything. When I put on clothes to look like my dad, I'm not a mirror-image of a man; I am small boy trying my hardest to imitate the person I so highly admire. My dad had no requirements for a seven-year-old Eric to earn his love. My dad just loved me because I was his son, completely independent of the crappy artwork on Father's Day cards.

God's love always wants us to change and be transformed into the holy image of his Son, yet God's love is always grounded in the obedience of Christ which lead to our adoption as sons and daughters of God. And I believe God loves us always with the same kind of love (but even more infinitely) that an earthly father has for an child who can produce no real beautiful work or measure up to any real standards.

If Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever, that means the love that God had for me when I was justified by grace through faith in Christ and adopted as his son is the same as the love he has for me now as I am being saved by grace and sanctified and conformed into the image of his Son. And the endless love that God will have for me on that day when all things are made new and my will, desire and actions are made into the likeness of Christ is the same as the love he has for me today, and the day I put my faith in Christ.

I am changing. I am being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another (2 Co. 3:18), but this is because of what God did, what God is doing, and what God will do, not what I did, what I am doing, and what I will do. I'll have good days where I love God and seek him with all my heart and I'll have bad days where He might be the last thing I want. But when I look back to two thousand years ago at what God did through Christ, what hope I have for the future!

Dedicated to Mom and Dad who show me through their love, even if dimly as imperfect humans, the love of God that is unchanging and neverending.

*** edit ***
I've received some complaints that this post is confusing or all over the place and it's true. If I wanted the post to be a little more coherent, I probably never would have talked about John Piper. This post was originally just titled "John Piper" when I found an old picture of him and I wanted to comment on it.
Think of it more as Eric's thought process or thought progression. This is literally how I think about things. So I'll give a little outline map through my thoughts:
1. John Piper - Look how young he is, ha ha. (Originally where I wanted to stop).
2. Hmm, I wonder what he was like when he was younger. Because it's hard to imagine godly men when they were young and sinful right?
3. Man people sure do change a lot - it's actually pretty depressing.
4. Hmm, how does God's immutability or unchanging-ness play into the picture?
5. Oh yeah, Dietrich Bonhoeffer said something cool about the uncertainty and changing nature of a life apart from God. Let's put that in there.
6. So how does the gospel play into this thought about man's mutability and God's immutability? (How the gospel plays into anything in life is always a great question.)
7. The good news of the gospel is planted firmly in something God did in the past, not what we do now to earn salvation.
8. If through the gospel we become children of God, how is God's unchanging nature good news to our fickle nature, even if we're now saved?
9. Hmm, the love of parents for their children even as they grow older seems like a good example.
10. Let's just throw in the picture of me and my parents for good measure. And it reminds me about being loved as a kid. Oh, I should rename my post now.

I'm always a spur of the moment kind of writer, and I was already late for class so I just posted it. I don't think I'll ever go back and revise this into a nice focused piece of writing - but the themes, thoughts and ideas will probably show up in the future in some form or another. Just a good reminder not to post unorganized posts again. =)

Musings from a Lake in Thailand

2009-10-10T15:23:00.000+07:00

During the past four days, I had the opportunity and the privilege to tag along with my Thai pastor on a fishing trip somewhere in west central Thailand, along the border of Burma and Thailand. I invited a freshman from Grace Fellowship to come with us because he spoke English pretty well and I wanted to get closer with him. So on Sunday, after church finished, P'Mee (my pastor), View (the freshman), me and three other friends of P'Mee loaded our stuff into a pick-up truck and set off on a supposedly twelve hour journey (it actually took almost fifteen with all the breaks and meals).

View and I sat in the backseat of the truck. It's not one of those comfortable backseats with actual seats and seatbelts, but more like a little bench with a cushion. It was uncomfortable, but seeing that two of P'Mee's friends were going sit in the back of the truck for twelve hours, who was I to complain? At least we had A/C. Then as we started driving and I saw the Burmese day laborers being crammed in the back of trucks, standing exposed to the scorching sun and intermittent rain, I was thankful to God that what I had was probably comparable to a limo ride for Americans.

We arrived around 4:30 AM in the morning on Monday as we made our way to the lakeside. Foolish, American me, I thought there would be some kind of dock or something, but nope just some mud and reeds. I'm not gonna say I'm the cleanliest of folks, and I'm surely not neat (look at my room or my desk), but being a Korean, I like keeping my feet and my clothes clean. I've been on probably over fifty camping trips with Boy Scouts when I was in high-school, so I'm not some newbie when it comes to being in the outdoors. But even during those days, I never sat on the ground or the dirt. I always sat on a nice "cleaner" rock. I'd always take off my shoes before I went into my tent, and I'd never go into my sleeping bag with my dirty outside clothes. (I'm beginning to think maybe I am some kind of clean freak...haha). Bit of a digression, but anyway I had worn my athletic running shoes thinking I could keep my feet clean the entire time I was on this trip. WRONG! Thai people don't wear shoes (unless they're "hi-so" or high society type). They all wear slippers. Everywhere. They play soccer in slippers, they go hiking in slippers...it must be a national footwear. So, I had to just leave my shoes in the truck and put on my slippers that I brought in my bag (Boy Scout motto: Be prepared - in other words, overpack). I actually felt kind of sheepish that I had brought along two bags when everyone else only had one, but whatever, the second backpack was for my bible and my books and snacks so I'm not that high maintenance. So I had to walk through the water to get on the motor boat/canoe that would take us to our boat raft/house.

First lesson about being Thai, don't bother trying to keep your feet clean. That's the reason why there's such a cultural taboo with feet and pointing with your feet or touching things with your feet. Thai people know feet get dirty. (I'm thinking Iris would have a fit - cuz knowing me I'd probably try to put my feet in her blankets after walking around all day barefoot...hahaha. By the way, Iris is leaving to Japan soon, so support her with much love and prayer!)

So I don't remember too much of the first day because I slept pretty much the entire day. I woke up every now and then when someone caught a big fish or something. But man fresh fish for every meal. That is surely one of the highlights of the trip. Oh but after eating, we did the dishes in the lake. The same lake we pooped and peed in. (I forgot to take a picture of the toilet, it's basically a squatty potty that empties into the lake) And halfway through the trip, we ran out of dishwashing soap, so they just rinsed the plates and cups in the lake and let it dry. Often times the cups wouldn't even be washed so ants would crawl all over them. Now in America, when ants get all over my food I think that the food is bad and I throw it away. In Thailand, if ants get all over your food, you just brush it off and eat it. Did I mention the ant infestation on the raft? I got so many ant bites and zero mosquito bites. And the ants were everywhere, but the Thai guys didn't seem to mind. They just sit on top of a pile of ants like it's nothing. And all I can think about is ants crawling up my pants. But what am I to do with my Korean American sensibilities and notions of cleanliness? Paul became like a Jew to the Jews and like a Greek to the Greeks, so I had to be a Thai to the Thais (everyone thinks I look Thai anyway). Yes, I ate out of those dishes and cups and swam and took showers in the lake. I didn't catch any diseases or die. Maybe all the fuss we make about being clean in American or Korean culture is unwarranted. For all I can remember, when I went to the countryside in Korea, they live pretty similarly to Thai people. Maybe the notion of being clean is all in my head. Jesus said being clean is not what you do on the outside but what you do on the inside. (What a great way to take the Bible out of context, I know.)

Four out of five of P'Mee's friends there were not Christian, so I wanted to live out as much Christianity as I could due to my lack of speaking ability. I knew P'Mee would speak and did speak to them at anytime about it. They were such nice people and took care of me, asked me if I needed anything, etc. One time they made a fish dish that was just too spicy and I was dying, so one of the guys made me some eggs to eat instead. I became more and more aware on this trip about my cultural sensibilities that could serve as huge hindering blocks to sharing the gospel. My certain reluctant attitudes - using "unclean" dishes and utensils, or showering in the lake, using the toilet, walking around barefeet - had to die. P'Mee has shared with me before about how Thai people don't like Americans because Americans tend to act like they're better than the Thais. I don't believe this consciously, but isn't that exactly what my actions were showing? "Hey, even though you guys eat out of these dishes and are completely fine, I'm going to be hesitant because my values of cleanliness are better than yours." "I'm going to complain about how uncomfortable the twelve hour ride is - wait you mean it's a fifteen hour ride?! - because in America everyone gets a nice seat and seatbelt and side airbags" "I'm going to try and walk around in my shoes because I think feet being clean is better than feet being dirty." I mean in the end, will it kill you to have dirty feet? Nope. I did the best I could and by no means was I perfectly able to live like the Thais. But think about Jesus coming into the world - the pure, clean, and holy Son of God not counting his equality with God a thing to be grasped, and getting dirty and messy and facing the everyday temptations of man. Did Jesus think he was too good to become man? No, and I couldn't think I was too good to become Thai.

I'm not a fishing fanatic, but I do like being in nature and absorbing the glory of God's creation. So I fished here and there with some small poles and if you check out my facebook album, you'll see the pathetic little fish I caught. But it's okay. Waking up at six in the morning to see the sun rise through the morning mist, listening to the rain pattering onthe raft roof and on the surface of the lake, beholding the sun setting in an orange and red glory over the mountains in the west, it's all worth the trouble. I read two books while I was on the lake - The Bible and the Pleasures of God by John Piper. And now here are my quick reviews:

The Pleasures of God is pretty much John Piper's theology book. And his theology is pretty much God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him. What I love about reading Piper is he's always pushing the reader to look further and beyond the limits of what we know and have experienced. Piper doesn't dwell in the everyday practicalities of being a Christian any longer than he needs to. And for an idealistic person like me, his writing resounds with something in my soul. God is infinitely powerful and glorious and he is our greatest satisfaction. Ask me for a Christian book that will feed your soul and I'll point you to Piper. Using more than just intellectual words and thoughts, he attempts to help your soul savor and experiencing what knowing Christ is. After I finished his section on how prayer glorifies God, I ended up praying for an hour while everyone was sleeping. He's that good at showing how God is good.

As for the Bible, I read through the major and minor prophets, which is something I think I've never done in my life. I've studied New Testament and I love to read it because it's something that makes sense to me. I use history and theology and all that to understand the gospels and the letters and it brings me joy to understand what the writers were talking about in their own context. But I probably don't like the prophets the same reason I don't like Revelations, I just can't understand it! And that's my flaw because I worry too much about understanding a passage rather than letting the passage speak to me. But as I read through the writings of the prophets, I just turned that side of my brain off and tried to appreciate the literary and metaphorical aspects of those books. Here's some things I learned:

1. You almost get depressed by how much God is angry about sin. Almost sick of it. It goes on and on about how Israel was unfaithful and how God will punish unfaithfulness. But it's a great reminder that our God is a holy God. His holiness cannot stand the slightest bit of sin's presence. I think we read so much about the love and grace of God and forget what His love and grace is actually saving us from, which is wrath and indignation towards rebellion and lawlessness. The prophets remind us we fall absolutely short of the glory of God.

2. Amidst this sea of depressing talk of sin and punishment, you'll find islands of promise of salvation. And especially when you know these promises are not just given to Israel, but that they are new covenant promises of Jesus, you're just amazed at how God was able to speak about Jesus hundreds of years before he was even born. (One particular favorite of mine is Ezekiel 34. It's a great one for leaders.) God was relentless in his condemnation of Israel, but He knew without the life-giving, obedience-producing Spirit of the new covenant, man could not work their way to God. So God gives promises of a future relentless love in Christ Jesus as a hope to Israel, and now the church.

3. Reading the prophets really puts "the fear of the LORD" in perspective doesn't it? Without the righteousness we have in Christ, I would not want to come before the glory of God. I mean look at what Isaiah writes in Isaiah 6. "Woe is me!" But knowing the love of God we have through Christ, this fear of God is something to be praised and loved and be in awe of. Piper gives the example of being on the ledge of a cliff by the sea during a thunderstorm and fearing for your life as the fear of God without Christ. But knowing Christ is like being taken into the safety of a cave on that cliff and watching the thunderstorm and still feeling the fear of what it's able to do while feeling the safety and dryness of the cave. What an amazing, fearful God we serve!

4. It's always fun to find passages that New Testament writers quoted, or songwriters use. I underlined those.

So I truly realized how important it is for all of us to just get away from the hustle and bustle of life and work and family and school and ministry and just spend sometime doing nothing - that is doing nothing with God. My soul was refreshed and during my times of reading and praying God gave me so many ideas for ministry and reassurances of what I was doing and why I was here. Sometimes we just need to take a breather and breathe God..haha.

I returned from the trip yesterday with a bruised tailbone and sore gluteous muscles from sitting in the back "seat" of the truck. I really couldn't sit down unless I sat in some weird position. I was literally about to scream by hour ten. I sat on my pillow and I adjusted every five minutes, but I was dying. It didn't help that we had two extra guys return with us. And that already small back "seat" was now occupied by me, View AND P'Mee. That return trip almost ruined the great four days I had at the lake...almost.

Last note of thought: I turned on my computer after returning and checked my google reader to find over 150 unread blogposts. I know I wrote about how great reading blogs were, but I want to make a clarification. The blogging world is tied inextricably with the fast paced world that we live in. You literally have to fight to stay with the flow. I realize I didn't need to real ALL those blogs and I unsubscribed from some. A few. I mean was I really missing out on all that much, compared to reading the Pleasures of God on a lake or reading the Prophets as the sun rises and falls? I don't think so.

Well that was long and fun, I hope you enjoy as much as I enjoyed my trip.

Writing with a sore tailbone,
Eric

Pictures are UP from Fishing Trip!

2009-10-10T02:52:00.006+07:00

You like my new blog background picture? Check out some more at my facebook.

My Facebook
The Photo Album

I will blog soon about the trip. Stay posted!

Living With No Regrets

2009-10-02T23:51:00.001+07:00

2 Corinthians 7:10
"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."

The life of a man controlled by the sinful nature is one filled with many worldly griefs. This man has placed his ultimate source of worth and satisfaction in the things of this world and naturally those things have failed him. He has built his shelter on the sands of physical beauty, only to have it washed away by the ebbing waves of time. He has found refuge in the caves of earthly pleasure, but darkness conceals its foul contents. He has placed his trust in his finite possessions only to have them destroyed by moth and rust. Woe and grief fills the heart of the man who has tasted every pleasure under the sun and has climbed to the loftiest peaks of human wisdom, yet at the end of his life cries, "Meaningless!"

Wretched is the one who sees the goodness of God, vows to follow the Lord, and yet is filled with regret. A pillar of salt is all that remains of the one who flees from the wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah yet turns to look back at the life left behind. This man attempts to walk between this world and the next, fooling himself into thinking he can get the best of both. But alas, the regrets of the life left behind taints his every drink of the sweet living water; his guilty conscience haunts him as he tries to fully partake inthe world. He does not know what he truly wants and is a slave to the torn desires that wages war in his soul.

But blessed is he who has not only seen but has tasted that the Lord is good. The Spirit has shone forth so much revealing light and truth into his heart that he despairs at the wretchedness of his sinful condition. God has produced a godly grief, a holy frustration, a righteous dissatisfaction with the sin that has entangled every aspect of his life. Looking inward, this man woefully cries out in godly grief, "Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" and looking upward to the cross shouts forth glorious praise, "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!" His eyes have seen the King, he has glimpsed the Lord's glory, and there is no turning back. His repentance is a complete turn away from this world, and counts all things as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus. He has found the pearl of great price. He has uncovered the hidden treasure in the field and has left all behind to keep it. This blessed man has a salvation without regret. He forgets what lies behind and strains forward to what lies ahead.

Let us be this man who realizes he is not who he wants to be nor what he was made to be, understands that he could never do enough to attain righteousness alone, and throws himself at the utter mercy of God to be molded and shaped into the likeness of the Lord Jesus Christ. Let us seek daily after the unsearchable riches of Christ, never regretting having left behind our old lives to follow the King of Kings.

To live is Christ, and to die is gain.

(Spiritual) Poverty will come upon you like a robber....

2009-10-01T12:22:00.000+07:00

That man Joshua Harris is talking about is me. It's amazing how the sinful heart of man can take something good (like spiritually edifying or nourishing blogs) and find ways to replace God with it. Using my ESV Study Bible Online probably doesn't help because I'm always, always tempted and fall into temptation to check other things while I'm reading.

Proverbs 24:33-34
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.

Brothers and sisters, let us take heed from these words of wisdom, lest spiritual poverty come upon us. Let us refuse to give Satan a foothold in our lives, or compromise anything to sin. God help us in our apathy and complacency and lead us daily to the rock upon which we must desperately cling!

A Blog about Blogs

2009-09-24T01:29:00.004+07:00

I've recently made blog-reading a new hobby and time-killer (or productive time passer - whichever way you'd like to look at it). And no, not the junior high or high school xanga friends list so I can keep track of who likes who, or who did what today (that's what facebook is for these days). I've subscribed to the blogs of some pastors I respect and/or admire (Piper, Mahaney, Harris, Driscoll, Mohler) and some other ones that seemed to be popular in the "blogosphere." Although I centered my selection around evangelical or Reformed blogs, I choose some other ones that were maybe not as serious or had views that were different from mine. I found a list of top Christian blogs and started browsing to see what would be interesting.

What I've found is truth to the age old adage, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know." Man, these bloggers are so up-to-date in the latest politics, culture, historical research, theology, christian movements, you name it. Reading these blogs humble me and help me realize that I'm a twenty-two year old know-it-all that really doesn't know anything. Yet they've sparked a new interest and thirst for knowledge, one similar to my first introduction to theology as a sophomore in college. With my personality, I know I run the huge risk of shoring up knowledge to feed my pride, but as I've said earlier, the amount of information out there is really humbling.

Anyway some thoughts:
1. It's interesting to see where I lie in terms of my beliefs in the broad spectrum of those who call themselves Christian. I really think it comes down to reading all sorts of different views and seeing which things resound with you even if you may disagree with other things. Now, this maybe a dangerous road like when I advised someone to take an intro class to world religion and it caused more doubt than certainty. There's a reason why the majority of my blogs are from Reformed or evangelical sources. I want to stay rooted or anchored as much as possible while I explore the thoughts of the rest of the world. (I've also read some atheist blogs to see what some of the world thinks of Christians, but I just don't have the energy to keep up with them).

2. But I still advise people to start reading blogs. I know people in this day and age don't like reading full books and what's great about blogs is that you can get a good amount of summarized information to give you a superficial understanding that may or may not spark further indepth studying. We should know what we believe and why we believe it. But I also think its important to know and give a hearing to what other people have to say, because a lot of the time you realize you just don't know it all. I would love to link a Piper blog I read but I can't remember which article, but basically he talked about how Christians cannot face university-level secular challenges to the faith with a second-grade Sunday School education (Jesus loves you and died for you). Get informed! There's an incredible amount of reason to believe in the Christian faith other than "having a child-like faith" (not to downplay that at all).

3. I'm not at all trying to be elitist and say we should only read blogs of people who have Ph.D's and are on lists of Top 50 Christian blogs. I have a good amount of subscriptions to different friends from college and church and it's a daily reminder that God imparts truth to the "wise" and the normal Joe. In fact, I stumbled upon a blog of someone who used to go to Sarang that really got me thinking about what faith actually is. The child-like faith and simple love is an absolute necessity, but is not only component to faith. So read blogs and strengthen your faith!

4. I would say read books, but books are just so old-fashioned right? No, I'm just kidding, please read books.

5. You don't like to read at all you say? Man...I don't know then.

Lastly, I've decided what I want my own blog to be about. I know this is supposed to detail my mission trip in Thailand (and if that's what you're really looking for, give me your e-mail and I'll put you on my e-mail list for ministry and prayer updates). But I really didn't want this blog to be just about things I'm doing. And I think way too much not to try to organize some of my thoughts through blog. Anyone who has talked to me knows I try to bring theology into every facet of life (if I don't say it, I'm at least thinking about it).

If Christians have one solitary purpose in this life, it is (to borrow from the Westminster Catechism) glorify God and enjoy Him forever. (Or to glorify God "by enjoying Him forever" - John Piper). And I want this blog to be just my inadequate attempt to really think about just why "To live is Christ" and how that plays out in the little things. So I'll still give updates on certain things that I'm doing here but I only feel things are blog-worthy if it ties into some bigger picture of life as a Christian.

So once again, if you wanted just a list of things I'm doing or prayer requests, I would love to give you that information through e-mail or that pesky monthly update I need to make. If you came to this blog wanting to see pictures of what I'm doing, check out my facebook. But if you want to follow along as I wrestle with different thoughts and beliefs of what is important and worthy in this life, then by all means, I welcome you. =)

For where your treasure is...

2009-09-18T23:38:00.002+07:00

A few days ago I read a blog by Michael Mckinley at 9Marks about a pastor's personal finances here.

His church was doing an annual budget and he decided to submit a detailed account of his monthly spending so that the church could set a reasonable salary. He talks about how he felt weird about having to let the church see everything he spends his money on but he gives these reasons to why he ultimately felt it was a good idea:

"1. I should have nothing to hide. What was I concerned about them seeing? Was I secretly ashamed of the way I handled my family's money?
2. Jesus talked about money a lot. He taught that the way we handle money is a barometer for our spiritual health. I would be a fool not ask godly men to examine that aspect of my life and give me constructive feedback.
3. I am always trying to cultivate a culture of transparency in the church and among its leaders. Transparency can be uncomfortable, but the pastor should take the lead."

Because I'm on this mission trip completely on the financial support of the church, family and friends, I also keep a daily account of ALL my spendings. It gets quite tedious at times - if I stop to give someone some spare change or pay for a parking structure fee, I have get out my little notebook and write it in.
A week ago Pastor Jeff asked me to send in my monthly spending report for August and a chill went down my spine. (As of now, I still haven't turned it in...haha) I panicked as I tried to quickly recap my monthly expenditures: What did I spend my money on? Where did I go over budget? What will Pastor Jeff think of my personal purchases? Will I be rebuked? But I couldn't never show him. It's not my money, not a cent of it. It's the money of the church and of God's people and I do not have liberty to do whatever I like with it.

When I was back in the States, I was never any good with money. Ask my mom or dad. Ask my sister. I've racked up large amounts of credit debt without ever having a stable job. I spend too much money on food. I like to eat well. I like to eat out. But I was never accountable to anyone so my vices never had to face the light of day. I've been woefully unfaithful with offering and tithing, always telling myself I'd be more regular if I had a regular job, but never being faithful with what God had given in the present.

So coming onto the mission field, I told myself that this was one of the main things that I wanted to work on. I want to be a giving Christian. I want to be a responsible steward of all that God has given, which is everything. I want to be a Christian not so concerned with what I need or want, but rather concerned with the needs of others. Jesus says in Luke 12:34, "For where your treasure is, there will be your heart be also." He says follow your money trail and you'll see where your real god lies.

So I followed my very precisely recorded money trail in the month of August and guess where I was lead to? Food. Now, not by too much (which is hard to calculate because food is so cheap here and the dollar is worth a lot), but that's the one budgeting item that I was consistently over on. It's so hard even when the nice food is so cheap and ice cream and soda are like fifty cents each. I know people on Japan missions have to be really tight with their money when eating, but food is just abundant here. But I digress.

Anyway, we hear in church and in the Bible over and over that nothing is ours, that God owns everything, and anything that we do have was given to us by God (1 Co. 4:7 "What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?"). We know God is technically watching everything we do and everything we spend our money on, yet it's so hard to break from the mindset of "This money is mine" or "I've earned it." And indeed, I know the feeling of getting that paycheck and thinking about all the things I could buy or eat rather than how I can serve God or others.

But I guess it's just something about knowing that someone's gonna really see that gets my conscious about how to spend my money wisely and frugally. I ask Pastor Jeff or Missionary Daniel before any large purchases even if I think it's absolutely necessary to make sure that it would be a wise purchase. I don't go straight for the name brands. I look for sales. I don't make any impulse buys if I'm at the mall. I compare and research to make sure I'm getting the cheapest price. And with the small amount of personal money I'm allotted, I still think about whether a purchase is really necessary or just for my own pleasure (not saying we can't ever use money for our own pleasure).

At the end of the day I want to say as Paul did, "I will not be enslaved by anything." When I have my own job and I make my own money, I want to be able to give freely and lavishly to God's kingdom purposes, knowing just how much I was blessed by others giving for me. It's amazing, but people say that pastors and missionaries - people who don't have the most money - are the ones who give the most to kingdom purposes because they know just how valuable that treasure in the field and the pearl of great cost is. So please pray for me that as I continue to live here in Thailand, God will discipline myself in all areas of my life, especially expenditures, and that God would help me see and savor the unsearchable value of his kingdom so that I would store myself treasures there instead of in the present kingdom that is passing away.

And if anyone is seeking to put his or her life more and more under the lordship of Christ, I strongly encourage you to try keeping an account of all your spendings and sharing them with an accountability partner to really see where your heart is.

Until next time,
Eric

Life is Learning

2009-09-12T01:58:00.003+07:00

So Jonas (Pastor Jonas?), told me I should blog about what I've learned in the month or so I've been here. But I've decided to depart from my usual blogs where I try to capture the complexities in my mind to something simple. Let's see if I can even do this and still be interesting.

Things I've learned in the past month:
1. 7-11's in Thailand are the best in the world (note I've only been to 7-11's in the US, Japan, and Thailand). Why? Because as Christian Kim so correctly pointed out, the 37 baht (roughly 1 dollar) Chicken Steak Burger is simply delectable.

2. Speaking of food, I brought like two tubs of red pepper paste, one tub of soy bean paste, a jar of black bean paste, and a bunch of boxes of curry and ramen, and it turns out that it's more expensive to cook at home than to just go out and eat. (It's obviously not the same case for Japanese short-term missionaries, so Iris Park pack them dwenjangs!) And the Lord is good because a new Korean restaurant opened up next door (5 minutes walking). Kimchi jjigae for 1 dollar, LA galbi (or something like it) for a buck fifty. And all the kimchi you can eat.

3. However, it turns out my favorite food to eat is Japanese. The fish isn't high quality at all here, and sometimes I wonder if I'll get parasites, but a sushi roll for a dollar?! It's worth the risk. Plus, donkatsu, katsudon, katsu curry, it's all goooooood! =)

3.5 I miss Mexican food, and I miss cheese. I miss Chipotle, guacamole, In-N-Out, and Jack In the Box. So somebody eat those things for me and think about me and pray for me. Ahaha.

4. I've tried to go to coffee shops here and study Thai. However, my study skills have not changed very much since college. To me, if someone says let's go study at a coffee shop, it means that we're just gonna hang out at least 80% of the time we're there and maybe touch our books for 20%. I would always study at the last minute at my apartment by myself. That's the only way I really know how to study.

5. Riding a motorscooter or driving a manual car on the opposite side of the road is really not that hard. Even when driving lane lines are merely "guidelines." (If there are two lanes, you'll see three lanes of vehicles.) Sometimes if you miss a stop, you just turn your bike around and backtrack towards oncoming traffic. It's just the Thai way to do things. And there's not many accidents (at least I haven't see one so far), so why are cops so anal in America?

6. Air conditioning is one of God's greatest gifts to man, but life goes on with out it. Thailand has three seasons and they affectionately call them hot, hotter, and hottest. But as long as I have a fan, I'm fine. I got used to the heat. But take away the fan, and I'm not so sure anymore.

7. I learned how to do laundry regularly after four years of taking it home on the weekends (Thanks Mom!). It's really not that hard, and I don't even bother to separate colors. And no dryers. Only God's heat. I wonder if I'll still do laundry when I get back home.

8. Thai people may be more crazy about Korean music than Korean Americans. Girl's Generation > 2NE1 > Davichi > Wonder Girls > F(x). There's some students here that speak Korean better than English. Why didn't I pay more attention in Korean class? (or Thai class for that matter).

Some more serious ones:
9. Jesus is the Word. The Word is life. One day without time with God in His Word and prayer is killer here. You can literally feel it. That's how strong the spiritual battlefield is here.

10. As much as I feel I was brainwashed by countless VBS's and Sunday schools, I thank God for these things. There's so much you learn about God or the Bible that you just take for granted. But it's a huge encouragement to see recently converted Christians so hungry to learn about what their new life in Christ entails in terms of belief, action, attitude and thought.

11. Yes, I have begun to miss my friends and family a little. So treasure your moments with those around you and make relationships meaningful. Talk about something deep, talk about something wonderful, talk about God. Pray together, study the Word together. I wish I could do those things.

12. Men need to step it up on the mission field as well as Thai churches. I think a good 80% of the Thai church is female, and if I were to count the short-term missionaries here right now that I'm working with, there's me and three girls. In a couple months it's gonna be me and five girls. Is it really as great as it sounds? No. Brothers need brotherly accountability and (to borrow from KCM) FELLAship or MANistry. ahaha, these guys....

13. The purpose of short-term missions is to help long-term missions. The purpose of mid-term missions is to help long-term missions. We need to pray for and support full-time missions as much as possible. Seriously, what can one team do in a month, or one man do in a year without knowing language, culture, etc.?

14. Beyond all this and including all this, I'm having the time of my life here learning about Thai culture (and in reflection, American culture), and God. He's brought me here to love Him more and be a part of His love for all people of the world. God is good!

Reaching the Limits of the Infinite

2009-09-09T10:58:00.003+07:00

Last night, among other things, I got started on what I call my wikipedia journeys (wikijourneys?). For those of you who don't know this word I just made up, a wikijourney is where you have a question about something and so you look it up on wikipedia only to find more interesting and related links of opposing views and so you continue to [Open Link in a New Tab] until you have like 15 wikipedia pages that you have to read. The journey ends when you've come in full circle, having read every opposing angle, top to bottom, left to right about that certain subject (unless you ended up clicking a link to a different subject, the you have some more journeys to finish).

I, being a nerd, tend to go on wikijourneys of theology within Christianity or that of cults. I've never been one to take any kind of teaching without a grain of salt and some doubt, and I always feel that to have a full understanding of any subject, one must at least give the respect to others to hear from their perspective their opinion on certain issues rather than being satisfied with someone else's critique. In this day and age of post-modernism and relativism, this can be a dangerous thing. One can easily get lost within the words of man and good arguments and end up exchanging the absolute truth for the relative.

In what I know about the theology I hold from reading from authors like Grudem, Sproul, and Piper, I feel pretty confident about what I believe about God, Christ, and the gospel as a Reformed Presbyterian Christian, even if I haven't made up my mind on other issues like baptism for infants, church government, etc. But just because their teachings resound a certain chord in my heart and create for me a construct of understanding the infinite that changes my way of thinking and life doesn't mean that they have everything perfectly right. There are other legitimate theologies that do not constitute heresy that bring its adherents close to the living God.

The Lord says in Isaiah 55:9, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." How then can we, as sinful and finite creatures, seek to understand God? Even our ability to understand and comprehend is a gift from God. Only in heaven will we fully know, but not even at once because the finite can never comprehend the infinite in its totality. We will go from eternity to eternity understanding and finding more to know about our God and his attributes. It's not as if time comes to a still and we'll just know everything. (But what I've just explained is in the end still one view, haha).

The trouble I see with approaching ultimate reality or the absolute truth is that we'll always hit a limit. Logic and rationality has its limits. Feelings and experiences have their limits. And most times, if not all, these limits are irreconcilable with one another. Something has always got to give, even if you try to think as balanced as you can. If you want to hold the sovereignty of God higher, you have to budge on the free will of man. If you want to put full weight on the glory of God's love, you slack on the glory of God's justice and holiness. But somehow in God all these things that seem like repelling forces come together and bring even greater glory to him. Trying to fit mercy and justice, sovereignty and free will, and so on and so on in a finite man would cause some kind of explosion no? But within the infinite God, it's all good!

Then in the end, it must not be knowing about God through theology, but knowing God in an intimate and personal relationship. There have been so many points in my life where I've had to put the theology book down and pick up a simple devotional, or even better, go straight to the living Word because even with all the knowledge that was going in my head, nothing was changing in my heart. And I agree with some random author who wrote somewhere, "A person who knows ten times more theology than the average person should have ten times more love, mercy, discipline, joy, goodness, patience, etc than the average person." So many times I come to the end of my wikijourney utterly confused and shaken on what I thought was my firm grasp on who God is. Yet that foundation is not re-solidified by reading more arguments or man-created theology but by coming to the living God, knowing him, and being known by him. And this "know" or "knowing" that the Bible speaks of is not the kind of know I would use after reading someone's facebook profile. It's not a list of facts and data that constitutes the totality of a person's identity. Mark Choe asked me about a certain passage in Genesis 4:1, "Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain." Obviously, Adam knowing Eve's favorite color, fruit of brand-name animal skin clothing was not the reason Cain was conceived. Knowing in this sense is something quite more intimate and within the context of human relationships, it's referring to the most intimate pinnacle of human relationship, namely sex. So to know God and to be known by God is to know and to be known in that intimate manner that goes beyond facts and data, into the realm of experience.

But of course, right belief leads and produces right action and experience and feelings that are not grounded on solid facts and data are in the end fleeting and valueless. I remember at my graduation some guy took the mic and gave a few sentences of congratulations saying that now that we've finished we need to focus on the purpose of life which is happiness. And I sat there thinking, "But happiness in what?" It was foolishness to stop there, as much as that phrase contains truth. People can be happy in themselves, in hurting other people, hurting themselves. Thus the feeling of happiness not grounded in what will make one most happy according to what is most good is one that will eventually wither and fade like grass. So I'm in no way advocating a complete abandonment of things like theology for a completely experiential relationship with God.

We HAVE to know theology. And there are some theologies that are more correct than others. (And then there are some theologies that are just dead wrong.) I read in Piper's blog about the importance of knowing what one believes. (I can't find the link right now) But he basically said that too often people are content with facing the challenges of a high university educated world with a second-graders Sunday school education about God. God loves you and he died for you. Of course that's true! But why does God love you? At what cost does he love you? Why did he have to die for you? What does his death mean for the believer? For the non-believer? Why me? Of course a full understanding of God and his ways is unattainable, but one cannot understand God's "un-understandable-ness" (haha) and his infinite-ness without having tried to understand him to the best of our abilities. Being satisfied with just saying God cannot be understood and living life is just plain foolishness. We will end up living according to our own standards and values and not that of God.

But to those others who may know a little more theology than the average person, how can one dare to ever say he or she has it all down? Even after I go to seminary and study about God for my entire life I know I can never say such a thing. And where am I right now? I'm 22 almost 23, what do I really know? I'm sure any man who has known God for decades longer than I could look at my pitiful thoughts about God and laugh at how wrong I am. And imagine what God thinks. "For the foolishness of God is wiser than men..." says 1 Corinthians 1:25.

A lot of people say I'm knowledgeable and this and that, but I would gladly give up all the knowledge of man just to know and be known by God in the way the Bible talks about. So many times I look around me and see brothers and sisters who may not know as much systematic theology, but know the joys and intimacy of personal prayer, the quiet and gentle rest of devotionals, the God-hunger increasing value of fasting, and the pleasures of the eternal, much much more than I do.

Sometimes, you just have those days where you come to the limits of the infinite and can only be in wonder and awe...

1 Corinthians 8:2-3
If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.

Rain rain go away

2009-09-02T17:56:00.002+07:00

So I guess rainy season is starting because we're starting to get those furious downpours that start without warning. Reminds me of some stories Philip shared of his experiences in Cambodia. But as much as I'd like to praise God for his wonderful creation and bringing down rain on both the righteous and unrighteous in his grace that covers all, it sucks when I'm riding around on a little motorcycle...And I forgot my poncho.

Example: I was helping my friend get a carwash and about ten minutes out into the city it starts pouring. She's following behind me in the dry safety of a car and laughing at me while I'm looking for this carwash place and getting drenched. Then I stop and realize that it's pretty stupid to get a carwash now that it's raining. So we drove back, and I was drenched. I swear it did not look like it was going to rain.

Here's a nice verse I found about rain:
Isaiah 45:8 "Shower, O heavens, from above, and let the clouds rain down righteousness; let the earth open, that salvation and righteousness may bear fruit; let the earth cause them both to sprout; I the Lord have created it."

God sends rain to nourish his creation and how crucial water is to all life! I'm sure farmers would know that no matter how well they planted or pulled weeds or whatever, only the providence of God in life-creating and life-sustaining rain will make crops grow.

So I have some praise report about God's "rain" that is creating fruit in the ministry here. Now after STEM left, I really had 2-3 weeks of very unproductive ministry. I had no idea what God wanted me to do and I was getting so frustrated that I was doing nothing. But just this past week, we got the green light to teach in Chiang Mai University, I guess as official tutors or something. We were expecting about seven people - turns out the head professor of the photography major offered to pay for 50% of the classes we're teaching and we ended up with over twenty students! Also in the private English classes I've been teaching at Grace Fellowship, the attendance has been growing and I'm having to start another class.

Sidenote: Teaching English is a lot harder than I thought. Growing up using English I think we forget how hard of a language it actually is. So if anyone wants to do ministry here in Thailand short term or longer term like me, I highly recommend taking some ESL classes or getting a license - it will open doors of opportunity for you as well as helping the students greatly.

Teaching guitar has also been good. There are a few non-Christians that come out and are interested and since I teach them out of a praise book, they are giving praise to God without knowing it! But let's pray that God would open their hearts to the meaning of the songs they are singing and that the words would pierce their hearts with eternal-life giving impact.

Once again, I wanted to thank you all for encouraging me with notes and emails and especially prayer. I truly believe that God is hearing every prayer and answering. There is great work to be done and being done here in Thailand. I may be here working, and you may be across the sea praying, but it is God that causes growth and bearing of fruit, so all glory to Him!

Evangelism - A Lifestyle of Intentional Relationship: A Learning in Progress

2009-08-24T22:55:00.006+07:00

First of all, now that I'm trying write in a blog semi-consistently, I truly appreciate and admire people like John Piper who can write a new blog like everyday. Granted it's not super long, but it's consistent. I can't imagine trying to consistently put up daily something thought provoking or meaningful. Because my life isn't filled with as many meaningful or thoughtful moments as I'd like. Or maybe I just don't sit and reflect enough. And the last thing I want this blog to turn into is anything like my junior high xanga (Today, I did this...and this...and this...it was fun).

Anyway, the reason why I have not had that much to write about is that I just haven't been doing much. The past week, I hung out with a short-term team from Crossway Church and helped them do ministry. But they left today, and now I'm back to the usual routine. Except, there is no real routine in place yet. In the previous post, I posted a hypothetical schedule that has yet to be fully realized. In the meanwhile, it seems that I'm just waiting.

It's a very depressing waiting, and I guess I understand in a very small sense the reason why old people die quicker if they retire earlier - there's no desire to live a life that lacks purpose. Too morbid? Nah.

I think back in the states the kind of ministry I did was always outlined neatly in terms of what I had to do, what I could not do, what I should do, etc. And so I've been stuck in that mode of waiting for someone to tell me what to do. It's not necessarily because I'm lazy. Back when I used to lead LA Recomm, one of my mottos was "Just because it's been done a certain way, doesn't mean it always has to be that way" or "Just because no one's doing it or it's never been done before, doesn't mean I can't start it." I know how to be proactive when I need to be. I've been a little more cautious on how proactive I wanted to be because I didn't want to come in with my Westernized or Korean-American church culture and ministry syle and start doing things the way I've always done it before. One thing that I learned early in my first month with STEM was that much of what I learned about how to do ministry in America doesn't apply here.

But I still fell into this kind of trap where I told myself I would start going full out once the schedule got going. And as the schedule kept lagging, it gave me an excuse to waste a lot of my time. I believe that the problem was that I saw ministry too much as work. Say I weren't in Thailand right now and instead at some 8 to 5 job. Technically, I'm supposed to work hard between those hours but when I check out of work, I don't need to work anymore. But what about people whose work is ministry? Sure people who do ministry as a living have set schedules with meetings and events and downtime in between, but I've realized that's very much an American or Korean-American ministry lifestyle. And I don't make any judgment on that - I actually want to know that when an event ends I can just go home and have alone time.

When short-term team missions come, the receiving Thai church changes its normal way of doing things to best utilize the short-termers. This means a lot events and structured scheduling, like what we're used to in the states. I've often wondered about what happened once we left and I heard some things before, but now that I'm at the other end, it's kind of shocking. The reality of it all hits you like a brick. Most, if not all of the friends that short-termers made, simply stop coming out to the church. We try hard to get our new friends connected with the church so that when we leave they might stay, but maybe we just don't have enough time, or maybe the culture just doesn't work that way. (And I'm not saying in anyway that short-term missions is bad. I think there are pros and cons, but in the end, if the good didn't outweigh the bad, there wouldn't be teams. And I don't want to elaborate on that because I digress enough as it is. Maybe another day.)

In reality, ministry outside of the jam-packed hustle bustle of short-term missions is quite boring. There's plenty of time to fill, but not necessarily much to do in terms of events. At Grace Fellowship, there are events, but for most of the rest of the time the church is just open to all. People come and do their homework, play games, and hang out. And the more I continue to have a mentality that I don't need to be out there making and building relationships outside the start and finish of an event, the less evangelism becomes a lifestyle and the more evangelism becomes a job or a duty. And after many convoluted thoughts and much digression I arrive at my main point. Haha.

I title this blog "Evangelism - A Lifestyle of Intentional Relationship" because I'm starting to realize more that perhaps I had it all wrong and that I need to embrace a new way of "doing ministry." Especially for me as I'm planning to go into full-time ministry, if I don't shed this work mentality for a lifestyle mentality, I will be a poor and ineffective minister. I think I've written before about how important relationship is in ministry, but I reiterate the point: Authentic ministry is relational ministry. And relationships don't have a stop and start. A husband can't just put his wife on pause to have "single" time. No one clocks in and out of being a parent, or a husband or a friend. It's a commitment you make and time should be flexible around these important people.

Obviously there will be times when I need some time to rest or just be alone, but I admit there were plenty of other times when I could have been downstairs where church members were hanging out and I simply chose not to. Because maintaining relationships is tiring as it is. But when you seek to have intentional relationships whether it be from Christian to non-Christian, peer to peer, mentor to mentee, it's downright draining. At least for me it is. Yet that's the cost of evangelism, especially in Thailand, and I'm pretty sure it still applies in America. I think it's more than just a contextual or cultural truth. How am I supposed to share the truth with someone I'm not talking to? And why will the truth matter to someone whom I have not built trust and credibility with? I think about Jesus spending three years with just twelve thick-headed, ordinary men and turning them into passionate disciples. It did not happen in a brief stroke or an emotional event. It was a slow, strenuous, time-consuming, energy-exerting change (think about Peter and his bold declarations and failures, and ultimately what he becomes). Jesus put up with all those failures, and continued to pray for them. The Great Shepherd knew the real cost of discipleship (and discipling).

Truly a lesson in progress. I wasted enough time as it is in college for myself and doing literally nothing in my room. I refuse to waste another year, especially here in Thailand with people supporting me and praying for me. I ask for you, reader, to pray for me as I seek to learn how to live a lifestyle of evangelism rather than doing the duty or work of evangelism. And I pray that my dear friends at home would learn the same lesson with me as we faithfully fulfill what Jesus has commanded each and everyone of us - Go and make disciples of all nations.

Seeking to live rather than work,
Eric

Some Housekeeping, Practicalities, and Prayer Requests

2009-08-20T02:30:00.005+07:00

Most importantly, here's my address if you'd like to send a card, or a care package. (I like Sour Patch).
Eric Choi
P.O. Box 81
Chiang Mai University 50202
Chiang Mai, Thailand

**edit** (it's a joke, i'll be fine without sour patch xP)

I finally have my ministry schedule somewhat set and I will be preparing this week to start ministry next week. So here we go:

Sunday - Worship, praise team (they're making me play piano?!?), and participate in Bible study (this is hard because I can't understand Thai yet)

Monday - Sabbath (praise God!), and I'm taking an New Testament Survey class at Chiang Mai Theological Seminary. I may teach guitar, if I'm not tired.

Tuesday - Teaching English to non-believers, Learning Thai at Chiang Mai University

Wednesday - Teaching guitar, helping out at Korean night

Thursday - Maybe teaching at an elementary school, Learning Thai at CMU

Friday - Teaching English to church members, Helping out and sometimes leading Friday Outreach Night (for non-believers).

Saturday - Teaching SAT to Missionary Daniel's kids, Helping train a praise team

So there's my schedule. On top of this, an opportunity has come up where me and P'Mee (my pastor) may be able to be "English professors" AT Chiang Mai University. A man literally walked through the door because he was interested in enrolling his daughter in my english class, and said he knew a lot of professors at CMU and his daughter's major needed a native English teacher. But it's just in the air right now, nothing final.

Prayer Requests:
- Pray for my preparation, especially for english classes and leading Korean and Friday Nights. I'm trying to decide how much "Bible" to put in the english class or if I want to keep it more relational and invite them out to a different night for gospel purposes. I'll be giving a little "message" kind of thing next Friday, and I need a corresponding activity to hammer in whatever I want to talk about. Lastly, I'm terribly uncreative when it comes to leading games, I really need a miracle of God to do that right.
- Pray for the aforementioned opportunity to teach English on campus. It would be a great way to meet new students. Furthermore, Grace Fellowship has a long-term plan to start some kind of a coffee shop, cafe, hangout spot on campus and is looking for connections with professors on campus to do so.
- Pray for my Thai language acquisition. Thai is such a hard language! I'm improving, but I really would like to communicate with Thai people on a deeper level.
- Pray for the new non-Christian students that I will be meeting, that as I interact with them I would be able to share God's love through actions where my words lack.
- Lastly, pray for my own spiritual development and discipline. I've realized just one day without prayer and QT makes an incredible difference. It shows me how strong the spiritual warfare is here.

Well to all readers, supporters, prayer-ers, thank you for everything. I've really been encouraged to know there are many people praying for me home-side.

Lastly, if you are a financial supporter, please send support soon! Contact Emily Choi or Tina Oh.

STEM testimony 2009

2009-08-20T02:13:00.002+07:00

I know I haven't blogged for a while, and I've probably avoided trying to process or be introspective on how I feel after STEM has left, but I had to write a STEM testimony which got me to think of different things, and which I am now sharing with you (what a long run-on sentence.)
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As I write what will probably be the last STEM testimony of my life, I am reminded not just of what God has shown me and taught me this past summer, but also over the course of the past five STEM mission trips. During the span of four years, God has shaped my heart and passion for missions and at the same time has molded me, stretched me and broken me in ways that the high-school graduate Eric of 2005 would never have expected. It’s almost surreal that God has brought me to serve Him in Thailand for this upcoming year. But as I try to make sense of why God has brought me here and what he wants to teach me, I realize that I must frame this testimony around the how God has lead me thus far, not just in this past month.

In my senior year of college, I came face-to-face with the reality of life after undergraduate schooling. I was at a crossroad with three options: work for a year, enter straight into seminary, or go to missions for a year. The last option was a commitment I made to God two years prior, but it was the last thought on my mind as I began to feel like it would just be a detour in my “ambitious” plans for life. I thought, “How does a year in a country whose language I cannot speak and culture I cannot understand help me in the future?” But here’s the kicker, I was too concerned with how missions would “help me” rather than how I would serve God with the entirety of my life. I wanted God to sign off on my plans and ambitions rather than trusting and yielding to the one who graciously promises that He has a plan for me – plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jer. 29:11).

In the fall of 2008, E-College ministry had its first corporate Daniel Fast leading up to the Break Free revival. I decided to call upon the Lord and pray about the upcoming decision. For twenty one days I fasted and sought the Lord, but with no answer. The day before the revival, I was at Pastor Jeff’s house and we randomly decided to pray. As I prayed about my future, I realized I had not yet put to death my will, desires, wants, and needs. These things were ruling and dictating my life and God spoke to me at that moment, “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” The next day at the revival, Reverend Bob Oh began the sermon with that exact verse from Philippians 1:21. I knew God was about to give His answer; this was no coincidence. Then Reverend Oh spoke the following words which pierced my heart like a dagger: “If God has called you to a nation, take that nation for Him.” At that moment, my eyes began to tear as God reminded me about my calling to Thailand. He did not just want to remind me, but wanted to bestow power and authority on me to be his witness and to take the nation.

Thus God called me to missions not to help me, but to glorify Him. Yet the loving Father knew my fears and my insecurities and was not ordering me to go without some assurance of His faithfulness. As I continued to pray, He urged me to let go of all the things that I was holding onto – friends, family, church, and comfort – even if they were good things. I first needed to die to these things so that I could see their true worth through the cross. And God spoke to me, “Let these things go and I will return them to you even more beautiful and precious than they once were to you.” And so God gave me Philippians 1:21 as the theme verse for my year in Thailand. It wasn’t until I put my self to death that I could see living for Christ as the most valuable and worthy treasure.

In light of this, God lead me as I lead Thailand Team 2009. Leading a team is no easy task, but this time I knew that I would not be returning home with the teammates that I would become so close with after eating, talking and sharing experiences for a month. Even in the beginning of the month, I was hesitant to reach out to my teammates as I tried to prepare myself for their eventual departure. But my teammates relentlessly pursued me and would not let me take matters into my own hands like that. They taught me that I’m not really letting go of something until I value it, and as I came to understand the great value of my relationships with them, I came to appreciate and love even more the great value of Christ who is more than worthy enough to give up all things and follow. And now as my teammates encourage me by praying for me back at home, I can value even more the Holy Spirit who is interceding for me and helping me in my weakness (Romans 8:25) and the Lord Jesus Christ who daily mediates on my behalf with his blood (Hebrews 9).

I still don’t fully understand why God would use a prideful, selfish, and wretched creature like me. Yet God reminds me that I am but a jar of clay to show that His all-surpassing power is from God and not from me. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4:11, “For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.” As I look forward to what God wants to do in me and through me this upcoming year, I know God will continue to show me that the dying of my self for Jesus’ sake is truly gain, and that living is truly Christ – it is His life, light and glory that will shine in my heart.

So if you think you are standing firm...

2009-08-05T00:46:00.004+07:00

This blog has really nothing to do with my mission trip, but I came across an article so interesting that I wanted to write about it.

Here's the article link.

The article itself is not that long, and I suggest you just read it first, but if you're that lazy here's the main point:

If you think you're generally good at resisting temptation, you're probably wrong, scientists now say.

"People are not good at anticipating the power of their urges, and those who are the most confident about their self-control are the most likely to give into temptation," said Loran Nordgren, senior lecturer of management and organizations at the Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University, in Illinois.

The result: Many of us unwittingly expose ourselves to tempting chocolate or cigarettes, leading to a greater likelihood of indulging in addictive behaviors. (italics mine)

It's interesting study, but should be nothing new to Christians. God through Paul gave us this proverbial truth two thousand years ago! Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:12, "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" Paul understood that when people become confident in their self-control, their ultimate source of dependency is upon the finite, imperfect power of man (self), rather than the infinite, perfect power of God. And Paul knew far too well that the moment we think we're strong because of our own strength is actually our greatest moment of weakness.

Think back to anything you are struggling with or have struggled with in the past. For males, we obviously think of our everyday battle with lust. We can all remember those rock-bottom, can't-turn-anywhere-else moments where we just know we can't battle our lust on our own. So we begin praying and reading His Word for strength. We set up accountability with faithful brothers who will keep us in check. We set personal boundaries for ourselves, such as leaving the computer outside of our room or not using the computer after a certain time. And it works. We begin to start winning that daily battle with the power of God and through the accountability of His people.

But then, we look back to that dark day of hopelessness and count the days since the last relapse. We start slacking in our fervency of prayer or diligence in reading the Word. We feel we don't need to call up our brothers anymore. Oh the wretchedness of man when he relies upon past successes instead of the abundant future grace of God! And it's in that moment when we think, "Hey I got this. I can use the computer in my room alone in the middle of the night. I'll be fine.", that we've begun tumbling down that slope that inevitably leads to failure.

But let us not lose hope! Paul continues to write in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." God is that way out! He wants us to stand firm under the perfect power of his grace rather than our weak effort.

If as the article says "those who are most confident about their self-control are the most likely to give into temptation," then I believe the Christian should live according to the contrapositive of this statement, "Those who are most confident about their not self-control (God's control) are the most likely to not give into temptation." As a Christian we give up our control over the situation. We are far too weak and vulnerable to achieve perfect mastery on our own. We lift up our anxieties unto God and His control and ask for His mercy and grace in our time of need.

However, when I refer to God's control, I do not in anyway excuse the responsibility of man to choose the right over the wrong. I've heard testimonies of how addicts completely lost their desire for drugs once they experienced the amazing love of God. But I don't think God always makes the desire of temptation go away. Bringing it back to men and lust again, God's wired us to be sexual creatures. Knowing how we're tempted, should God rather turn off our sexual desires while we're single and flip it back on when we're married? (Although I'm sure many of us have probably wanted this at one time or another!)

No, God gave us responsibility and power to make moral decisions, even if our sinful desires bend us so far towards the wrong decision. But there is one more helpful hint from Paul that we see in 1 Corinthians 10:11: "These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us." In context of the entire passage, Paul has been referring to how the Corinthians should deal with idolatry. So he retells how God severely punished idolatry in the past as an example and warning for the Corinthians. And Paul writes in verse 13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man." Basically, there's nothing you're dealing with that you or someone else hasn't dealt with before!

Thus there's no way we can try to blame God and say, "God, it's your fault, you pulled a slick one on me." The Scripture says that God is faithful and He will never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. But I also think God wants us to be smart and learn from past failures of ourselves and of others. The senior researcher, Loran Nordgren gives this helpful advice: "Avoid situations where such weaknesses thrive, and remember you're not that invincible." Basically, learn from example! For males (again, I know), what makes you think that if you fell because you were home alone before, you won't fall this time? Be smart and avoid situations where you know from the past temptation will be the greatest. Because in the end, God can just turn it right back at us and just say, "Eric, you know you fall when you do this or that, so it's your fault you keep putting yourself in that situation." And as Paul basically exhorts the Corinthians, "Learn from the mistakes of others."

I think there are some mistakes that just aren't worth making to learn from. The cost is too great. I know some people (myself included) have had or have the mentality of "How can you be so sure it's wrong until you've tried it?" or "It won't happen to me, I'm stronger than that." I talked to Ashley Chin today about how important it is to be plugged into a good local church especially in college. How many friends do we know who have severely hampered their faith or even fallen away upon going away for college because they didn't find a church (and more importantly, accountability)? It's an unfortunately high statistic that I would never gamble on. And I thank God every time I think about how I stayed at UCLA instead of going to Berkeley (even if it was for the wrong reasons), because God showed me the matter of life-and-death importance of being plugged into the church.

We're not invincible, and we were never meant to be. There's a reason why even the "weakness of God (like He has any) is stronger than man's strength" (1 Co. 1:25). There's a reason why God's power is "made perfect in weakness" (2 Co. 12:9). God wants us to depend on Him alone in every circumstance and situation, in every temptation and battle.

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

In Christ Alone,
Eric

Isan Lovin'

2009-08-01T22:40:00.009+07:00

Disclaimer: In the course of my blogging, I may make some pointed criticism at our Western worldview or American Christianity, but this does not mean that I think the Thai worldview or Thai Christianity is inherently better. All worldviews that are not centered around Christ are inherently sinful. However, I have an excellent opportunity to step out of the Korean-American world and try to observe it from a more outsider point of view. When we never bother to challenge or question certain values or beliefs that we hold in our society, Christians especially begin to equate certain secular values as being inherently Christian. I love studying intercultural relationships precisely because it gives me the opportunity to constantly evaluate cultural values I hold so I can affirm or deny values that are not of Christ.

Ralph Winters (the founder of the U.S. Center for World Mission, who recently passed away) similarly wrote:

"One of the most important functions of the missionary movement is to continually rescue the faith itself from becoming lost through institutional and cultural evolution and absorption....That process of trying to make our faith understandable cross-culturally has in many different but vital ways pumped back into the home church a constantly renewed sense of what is, and what is not the [gospel]....Unless we become as serious about rediscovering the true faith in contrast to the assumptions of our own culture, we will trumpet an uncertain sound wherever else we go."

So please feel free to comment or shoot me an email any thoughts, questions, or concerns you may have in the course of reading my blog, and may God bless us in discovering and rediscovering the true gospel of Christ together.
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Some Isan children waiting for dinner. Don't be scared of that Apocalypto girl, the white powder stuff is mosquito repellent (I think).

Yum, fresh chicken for dinner.

During the last stretch of our STEM mission trip, we got to visit the hometown of our Thai pastor, P'Mee. (The trip itself took 12 hours one way - that was pretty tiring, but fun nevertheless.) It's not as shigol as you can get, but it was pretty rural-style living. As you can see in the picture above, people in Isan kill their own food (I didn't kill the chicken. I probably would have cried.), shower with buckets, grow rice, and live in these houses that look like a treehouse made in a combination of Thai and Western style. All in all, it was a very "mission" style trip. (Not to say our mission trips to Chiang Mai and Tokyo are not missions!)

Anyway, our main ministry was to teach English at the local elementary school to students from first to sixth grade. We sang taught some children's Christian songs, performed some dances and played games. Some of these students were so smart and picked up our English songs and lessons so quickly. It was actually kind of sad because when we first arrived, the students were being taught from a video screen because there's no money for teachers. I don't know that much about child development or education, but I do at least know the importance of teacher/student interaction. I hope to come back again and help out more in Isan. (And I can! P'Mee comes to Isan every month and wishes to eventually move back to his hometown to do ministry when he finds a replacement for Grace Fellowship. So pray for him!)

After teaching at school, we invited all the students to come to P'Mee's house for dinner and some more presentations. We performed some children's skits that try to show the importance of sharing and love, but when we threw the candy into the crowd of children, what do you think happened? Some kids got a bunch and others got none. So we tried to hammer in the point by bringing up some kids who had none and some who had a lot. They were asked to share and those who gave little received little, while those who gave much or all, received much more than they had in the first place. I still don't think they got it in the end... =(

My final thought for today:
I think far too often we take certain values at home for granted. P'Mee told me how in Thailand (and Isan) it is expected for politicians to steal money and take bribes. Very little judgment is place towards people who take for themselves funds that were set aside for the community. I'm not saying American society isn't corrupt - any society that does not place its worth in Christ will ultimately be corrupt (and Newsweek labeled America as a post-Christian nation anyway). But regardless of being "post-Christian," many Christian values remain dominant, even if people's hearts have not been spiritually born-again so that they want to live out Christ-like values. Even though the state America is very well headed toward the secular state of Europe, I think people still understand values of sharing and fair play, even if they don't want to do it.

But in Thailand, they neither have these values (ahh I know it's a really broad and divisive statement, just bear with me) nor do they want to do it. One of the things I thought about getting involved in was helping those exploited by Thailand's sex industry. I don't know if I'll have time with the ministry I'm doing, and if the opportunity comes I at least want to be more aware of this issue. But more and more I realize that these things are but expressions and fruit of sinful nature. If it were possible to arrest every single owner of a brothel and every customer, would the problem really be solved? I'm in no way downplaying the efforts of those involved in social justice - all the prophets in the Bible call for helping the oppressed and loosening the chains of injustice. I think these things are absolutely necessary to stop the crimes that are occurring presently. But in the end, Jesus sought to do more than to make people stop doing bad things. He went to the root of the issue - our hearts. We all need for God to replace our heart of stone with a heart of flesh that will give us new desires and affections for Him and His ways.

And so in Isan, I learned just how important it is to really understand the Thai worldview and ultimately point Thai people towards a worldview centered on Christ. And it starts with children before they have become socialized into sinful ways. Every lesson of love and sharing is one seed planted towards the future harvest of a relationship with Christ. These children will eventually grow up and many of them will never have the chance to step outside of their worldview and question whether their values are ultimately right or wrong.

So please pray for these children and all the children of Thailand that from an early age they will have the opportunity for the seeds of the gospel to be sown. And take some time to thank God if you were born with Christian parents or grew up in the church. It's so much more of a blessing than you might think.

And thus I conclude the first month of my trip with STEM. Let's hope and pray that the next 12 months I have alone will be even more full of blessings and insight.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Eric

Love is Sharing!

2009-07-30T02:51:00.005+07:00

I'd like to think that my lack of posting is due to the hectic nature of a short-term mission trip, where every second of a far too quickly dwindling month should be spent on something more important than writing on the internet. I sure hope that's the case because I'd like this blog to help me remember all that's been going on and everything that I think about. I think far too often I rely on my faulty memory and end up wasting some valuable a-ha moments.

And secondly, I still can't decide how much I want to write in this blog in terms of my own personal emotions and thoughts. I certainly don't want this to be a list of things I did. Perhaps more important than the actual events are the way that they have impacted a person.

The next few blogs will be some overdue backtracking, so please bear with me.

The week between July 14th and 21st (when the Korean team came) was fun but pushed me off routine a tad too much. I admit I got caught up in the heyday of meeting a bunch of new genuine Korean girls (as did the rest of the guys on the team ha!) as well as some really cool brothers. It was a whole new world for me as my only source of Korean exposure comes from the rather diluted Korean-American experience. Most of them could barely speak Korean and being forced to speak Korean constantly for the first time in a long long long time, I became quite cheng pee hae at my poor excuse for being Korean. A small, but valuable lesson of life - I'm Korean. Learn Korean. (Exactly how I'll accomplish this I don't know...)

STEM, Grace Fellowship, and the Korean team joined together to hold a camp at the Horizon resort on July 17th through the 19th. The camp was called "Grace Fellowship Episode 1 - Love Is Sharing" (I asked why it was called "Episode 1", the answer? Because it sounds cool.) I know we had been praying for 40 non-Christians to come, but only around fifteen came. There were a lot more Christians from Grace Fellowship, STEM and the Korean team than there were non-Christians, but in hindsight, it turned out to be perfect.

The camps that STEM held in 2005 and 2006 revolved around teaching English and sharing the gospel as a kind of side-thing. This camp however was centered around the theme of love and sharing. When I initially heard this, I couldn't even imagine what kind of activities we could do. But Grace Fellowship planned all the events and schedules and gave the Korean team and STEM time slots for our skits and special songs. (On a side note, I'd like to add that I was truly blessed and impressed by the fact that Grace Fellowship planned everything. Pastor Jeff always says that the number one priority of STEM is to support the local church, not supplant it.)

I think the most memorable activity was this candle/prayer ceremony and love feast. I'm too lazy to look for the pictures so basically P'Koy (Grace Fellowship's pastor's wife) made the shape of Thailand with chopsticks on the ground and everyone stood around the outline with candles in our hands. We sang "Dangshineun Sarangbatgeewieh Taeyunnan Saram" and prayed for each other and the nation of Thailand. Then we participated in a love feast where we expressed our love for one another in hugs, words, and feeding each other snacks.

The camp felt much more like a Christian church retreat rather than an evangelistic camp, but nevertheless two Thai girls named Aom and Kay accepted Christ as their savior. Aom had been coming out to Grace Fellowship for a couple months and had already helped us out so much before she was even Christian. Kay is the younger sister of twins that already attend Grace Fellowship. Kay had wanted to become Christian for almost two years and was afraid about what her mother would say, but the Spirit moved her to accept at this camp. (Remember my "Sign From God" post? Dan Matsuoka implied in his comment that I was stretching the text to fit my own situation. It's true. But God still did encourage us that day. And now, two Thai students were saved. What was the number of each animal Noah was called to take on the ship? Two! A Miracle! j/k)

I believe the biggest lesson we learned from this camp is that more than the couple thousand dollars STEM and Korean team spent, hours on dances, skits, and dramas, seeds were already being planted for months and years by Grace Fellowship before we held this camp. I was reminded of what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." I think far too often short-term teams go to mission fields thinking they're going to reap this huge harvest by all their own preparation, but in reality, short-term teams know way too little about culture or language to effectively evangelize. Short-term missions is designed to support the local church or long-term missions. And God truly revealed this to be the case, but in the end, we all gave glory to God for His working.

I'll finish this post with one last thing about Grace Fellowship. What I love and admire about Grace Fellowship is that it is not a church that opens only on Sundays, but is open practically 24/7 to all who wish to come and just hang out, do homework, play board games, or talk. Obviously the fact that it's literally right across the street from the university helps create this type of setting, but at Grace Fellowship, Christians and non-Christians interact on a daily basis. There are activities periodically throughout the week where some seeker-friendly messages are shared, just to get people thinking about the meaning of life, love, death, and other important things that many people often ignore amidst of all of life's hustle and bustle. More direct, gospel messages with opportunities to accept Christ are given every so often, but hell and brimstone is forced down no one's throat.

Grace Fellowship seeks to create relationship before anything else. In America, I think we rely far too often on truth-encounters (direct gospel messages of heaven/hell, etc) that tend to scare people away or bring hasty judgment upon Christians. But here, Grace Fellowship uses relationship to share God's love with action before any words. The goal is to try and make others see the overflowing joy and the worth of a purposeful life in being a Christian.

One added benefit of this approach is that when people do accept Christ, they are already plugged into a community and have understood subconsciously what it means to love and share within the church. The physical community established even before personal salvation is only made stronger as the new believer now joins the spiritual community. Think about American Christianity and its emphasis on revivals and individual salvation. People do get saved and accept Jesus as their savior, but a lot of times people don't know what to do after that. They are told to go to church, but everyone knows how hard it is to become a part of a new community. It is a scary and vulnerable situation. And far too often, American Christians believe that commitment to one local church is not as important as their own individual relationship with Christ - they fail to see the very direct relationship between individual salvation and corporate community. So there are just way too many Christians hopping from church to church with a consumer mentality, seeking this perfect church that does not exist.

I don't know if such a ministry could work, even at Sarang. I try to put myself in the shoes of being a Recomm leader again and trying to reach out to others this way but it seems impossible. All I know is that the purposeful interaction we have at home between believer and non-believer is far too little. The church as been called to share God's love with all people, not just within the church. So I challenge anyone who's reading to try to think of ways we can do just that.

"Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God." - William Carey

With much love,
Eric

Korea Team and Camp

2009-07-15T09:55:00.002+07:00

This won't be a very interesting update, but I'm updating so you all can keep me and the team in prayer.

The Korean team arrived last night at 1:30 am. There are 16 girls and 8 guys, all around our age. They also have a pastor that's with them.

I woke up in the middle of the night as they were moving around and orientating themselves. I couldn't fall back asleep because I began worrying about how our teams would work together. So I prayed before I went back to sleep.

This morning during our prayer walk in CMU, I couldn't stop thinking about our teams working together again.

Our QT passage was on Acts 15 which is about the Jerusalem Council where Peter and the believers from the Pharisee party argued over whether Gentile believers should keep the law of Moses and become circumcised. In the end, they saw how God was moving and were able to come to an agreement.

As we head into the camp this weekend, problems may arise from language, cultural, or even liturgical differences. Please pray for us and the Korean team and the Thai Church that we would look to how God is moving and work together for His kingdom.

Also continue to pray that God would bring out many people to the camp. We still have not met our quota of 40.

Will update more later! Thank you for everyone who's been praying for us, it's been quite encouraging.

A Sign From God

2009-07-08T08:38:00.003+07:00

So the past two days and today make up a national Buddhist holiday. Students usually go home for four days of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and ditch school on Thursday and Friday. Our ministry revolves around going to school cafeterias during lunch and making friends, and as you can imagine, a university devoid of students makes our ministry pretty impossible.

We've been stuck in Grace Fellowship for the past two days, doing literally nothing. On top of this, it's been raining on and off so we have not been able to go outside. I made Tina learn the first verse and chorus of "Gee" by Girl's Generation so we can teach it to the students. Haha. (She's pretty good, but she wants to kill herself because she hates the song... Imagine what ACA would think of her now!)

Next next weekend (July 17-19), we have a evangelistic camp coming up and we are hoping for forty non-Christian students to attend. There's also a 24 person team from Korea coming next week to help us with it. So far we haven't been able to spread the news of the camp, because we haven't made any friends! So while the team and I were praying last night, God told me to pray for urgency. This being my fourth trip to Thailand and the third camp that I'm helping out at, I think I had a very self-reliant and unfocused approach to the upcoming camp. But for all the training we had to do and the support we had to raise, if we could not bring just forty students to this camp, we would be wasting not only our trip but the time and money of countless people.

Today we woke up at 7 AM and went out to the university to prayer walk. It was a bright and sunny day, the kind you see after the rain has let up. There were puddles evaporating on the road and all sorts of life coming out to rebuild and begin the routine of life again. I walked towards the lake/pond in the university and above me I saw a bird fly by with a stick in its mouth, probably to build a new nest or repair its old one that was destroyed by the rain.

I had a thought for a split second, "Maybe it's a sign from God..." Personally, I'm cautious of these kind of things because I don't want to read in my emotions and thoughts into everything around me and force myself to see things. But, I decided to take it in faith and turned my Bible to Genesis 7. Forty days after the waters abated, Noah send out a raven and a dove. The dove returned because it had no place to land its feet. Then Noah waited another seven days and sent out the dove. This time it returned with a freshly plucked olive leaf in its mouth. "So Noah knew that the waters had subsided from the earth." Today marks the end of our first seven days here in Thailand.

"Then he waited another seven days and sent forth the dove, and she did not return to him anymore." In exactly one week, the Korean team will arrive in Chiang Mai (July 15). Don't really know if that means anything, we'll see.

But what really sealed this sign from God was that as I was writing this post, I read that "in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, the ark came to rest on the mountains of Ararat" (v.4) I gasped and tears came to my eyes as I realized that the seventeenth day of the seventh month, July 17, is the first day of our camp!

Right now I am filled with great expectations of God and His plan to move in Chiang Mai University. He has reminded me and promised me that as long as I trust in Him and pray for Him to move, He will take care of all things. Even though we won't be able to do much ministry over the next two days, I am completely confident that by next week God will provide and work in the hearts of CMU students to get them to sign up for our camp.

Praise God!

No Other Name

2009-07-06T14:00:00.000+07:00

Acts 4:12 (ESV) "And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."

On Saturday, July 4, 2009, the team and I headed up Doi Suthep (Suthep Mountain) with thousands of other Chiang Mai University students. Every year on the first Saturday of July, Chiang Mai University students run up the mountain with their respective departments as a school spirit event. However, this event is not only for school spirit. The largest temple in Chiang Mai, Wat Pratat, sits on top of Doi Suthep and overlooks the city. The thousands of students that run up the mountain (about 20,000), then proceed to worship at Wat Pratat to bring blessing upon themselves and their school for the coming year.

My team and I trekked the arduous 18 kilometers (~11 miles) in hot, sticky, humid weather in about three hours. (I may post some videos we took later) Along the way we passed by ornate ceremonial processions of flowers, statues, Buddhist urns and students dressed in traditional Thai clothing. At the same time, students drinking beer in the back of pick-up trucks flew past us as they laughed and cheered in celebration.

When we reached the top of the mountain, we came upon this flight of dragon stairs that lead to the actual temple. I could not help but remember Jesus' words, "For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many" (Matthew 7:13). Here was the gate that was leading thousands upon thousands to destruction.

When I'm at church at home surrounded by thousands of other Korean American Christians like myself, the reality that Christians are the minority is hard to grasp. But now, I witnessed with my own eyes that for every thousand members at Sarang Church, there were two thousand Thai students to match walking up these stairs to destruction. Truly, the people are God are too few in number for the almighty God we serve. I prayed that God would have mercy upon these students who knew not what they did, and that God would open their eyes and accept Christ as their savior.

Finally we entered the the temple (after paying a foreigner's fee), and we looked around. I saw the Buddhists passing by and ringing these bells in a row to invite the spirits. We prayed against these spirits and invited the Spirit of Christ to come reign in the hearts of the Thai people.

Here the students sit in front of the monk as they chant with him and listen to his teachings.

We entered the inner court of the temple and saw students walking in a procession around the central building holding lotus flowers with their hands in a prayer position. I saw Buddhists lighting candles of incense and praying to Buddha. There were others shaking a cup of sticks to see which falls out, which would correspond to a matching blessing or good luck charm.

I took this picture of this lone female student lighting incense candles and soon after I was shocked to realize that this was one of our friends, Pukpik. I've known Pukpik for three years now, having met her on my second mission trip to Thailand in 2006. She's been very open to Christianity and comes out to many of the events here at Grace Fellowship. She's even visited Sarang Church when she visited California.

But here she was devoutly praying to Buddha, not the living God. I realized that as open as people may be towards the gospel, and as much as people may be "seeking," until Christ is accepted as their lord and savior, all is meaningless in the end without Christ. She may come out to our events and even sing our songs, but without knowing Jesus personally, she is still destined for hell.

I looked to the left and saw my friend Art whom I've known for four years, since STEM 2005. He was walking in the procession with the other students. However, Art was talking on his cellphone and waved to us. Buddhism for him was obviously cultural, and he was partaking in the activities just because everyone else was.

Just like seeing students going up the mountain either religiously or just for fun, here in the temple there were devout Buddhist worshipers and others that just did so for the sake of it. But whatever path these students were choosing, religious or secular, it was not the path of eternal life.

God reminded me about the passage I had meditated on this morning. Acts 4:12 "And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."

It's so easy to overlook the gravity of the situation. When I think about the prostitutes on the streets and the gender confusion that's literally everywhere, you realize that the Thai people need Jesus. But when I look at some of the nicest, friendliest, most hospitable friends that even come out to our Christian events, I sometimes fall into the lie of Satan that they might not need Christ. Why do these generally "good" people need Jesus? Aren't they living decent lives and not hurting anyone?

But God showed me on that mountaintop with thousands of students worshiping a false god in a false temple, that there really is no other name by which we can be saved. In the end, everything and everyone falls short of the glory of God. Buddhism, secularism, living a good life, having a nice family, being a nice person - these things do not restore our relationship with the creator of the universe. Only what Christ has done can bring us to God.

Please pray for Thailand, that God would shine His light in the darkness and that they would know and worship the name of Jesus Christ our savior.